First Time Mom Over 40

Featured InSeasonMom- March 2012-Jennifer Bingham Hull

2012-03-01T01:00:00.004-05:00

Jennifer Bingham Hull

Name: Jennifer Bingham Hull

Age: 54

Current Resident of: Florida

Child’s name and age: Isabelle, age 14 and Jessica, age 11

Current or former profession(s): Author of Beyond One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life, Blogger at MidAgeMom.com, journalist.

PREGNANCY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Jennifer: About a year and a half.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?

Jennifer: Mine is a funny fertility story. After a year of trying to conceive on our own, we started fertility treatments when I was 39. We did two rounds of IVF without success and then began preparing for GIFT.

GIFT stands for gamete intrafallopian transfer. More invasive and expensive than IVF, it involves removing eggs from your ovaries, fertilizing them with your partner’s sperm, and then inserting them into your fallopian tubes through the abdomen.

Two days before I was scheduled to be hospitalized for GIFT, I went for an ultrasound. My husband, Bill, was holding a legal pad full of questions about GIFT. He was launching into them when the fertility doctor announced that I was already pregnant!

Bill slumped against the wall with his pad, in total shock. Later he raced to the pharmacy to return $2,000 worth of fertility drugs. It was like winning the lottery. Two years later, at age 42, I gave birth to our second child without any fertility work.

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

Jennifer: My ob/gyn was great. He delivered my second daughter as well. I was very happy, though I had c-sections both times.

InSeasonMom Cynthia: Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors?

Jennifer: No.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

InSeasonMom Cynthia: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why?

Jennifer: We called our mothers. I don’t dare say which one we called first.

InSeasonMom Cynthia: What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?

Jennifer: Happy, happy, happy - for all the right reasons.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeasonMom Cynthia: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Jennifer: We took private classes both times. It’s important to take a refresher course with the second child. You think you remember everything but you don’t.

I particularly liked our second instructor because at that point I was set to have a scheduled c-section. It’s easy to feel like you’ve “failed” with a c-section. We all expect to give birth naturally. But she said, “No one asks later how the baby got here.” That put things in perspective.

In fact, my second c-section went well and was much easier than my first birth which involved a long labor and then a c-section - a real double whammy.

InSeasonMom Cynthia:Where did you give birth and what do you remember most about the birth experience?

Jennifer: I gave birth both times at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami. What struck me most was how different my two babies were! My first was so alert. A steady parade of nurses tried to get her to sleep, to no avail. My second slept for days. Every time my husband visited the hospital, her eyes were closed. Can you guess which experience was easier?

I AM MOM

InSeasonMom Cynthia: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Jennifer: Having the first baby at 40 means doing the late-night teen pickup in your 50s. My main challenge is keeping up! It takes a lot of energy to raise a family. Throw in sleep disruptions from perimenopause and menopause and you can get worn out.

I’m a person who needs alone time and down time. So sometimes I just have to unplug from all the stuff other parents are doing. For instance, I bought a ticket to the middle school auction tonight. But I’ll probably stay home and take a hot bath.

InSeasonMom Cynthia: What do you enjoy about being an older mom?

Jennifer: I sowed a lot of wild oats in my 20s and early 30s, traveling the world and working as a foreign correspondent in Central America, then a war zone. Having done all that, I was content to settle down and raise a family in my 40s and 50s. There really is a time for all seasons. I’m a much better mom for having pursued those earlier dreams, which were not compatible with raising a family.

InSeasonMom Cynthia: How has becoming a mom changed you?

Jennifer: I will never be safe again - my heart is forever exposed and at risk. But that’s a good thing too.

InSeasonMom Cynthia: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Jennifer: Be sure you really want to have children, and if you’re ambivalent, get professional help. I did six months of therapy to decide whether to have a family. It’s some of the best money I’ve ever spent. Motherhood has been great for me, but it’s not for everybody.

InSeasonMom Cynthia: Any additional comments?

Jennifer: Many younger moms rely on their parents to help with the kids. But for older moms this often isn’t an option. My husband and I have no local relatives. Our parents are too old to babysit or have passed away. So we have a part-time nanny/housekeeper. She’s like family. Her role changes as the kids grow. Right now she’s helping a lot with driving.

Also, from day one my husband and I have shared parenting duties 50-50. I would marry him all over again for his math tutoring skills!

My advice to new moms: if you’re married, get dad involved early on with the baby. The more involved, the better. Everybody will be happier.

For insights on late motherhood, please visit my blog at MidAgeMom.com.

For tips on having the second child, check out my award-winning book, Beyond One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life.

InSeason Mom Cynthia would like to thank Jennifer for being an inspiration to moms across the world! (Featured InSeason Mom series started in 2006 and resurrected again in 2011) Check out previous featured InSeason Moms on this blog.

FEATURED INSEASON MOM-FEBRUARY 2012

2012-02-01T09:12:00.000-05:00

Name: Claire B. Hegarty

Age: 45

Residence: Dublin in the Republic of Ireland

Child’s name and age: Ciarán (pronounced Cirawn), 4 years old

Current or former profession(s): I am on a five-year career break from an executive assistant job in Tourism. Between parenting, blogging, pet sitting, caring for my mother and squeezing in and at yoga, I am busier than I ever was.

PREGNANCY

InSeason Mom: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Claire: Around three years

InSeason Mom: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?

Claire: At age 38 and after years of thinking I didn't want children, what I thought was mythical - the body clock - suddenly kicked in! I didn't do anything much to increase my chances as I just assumed it would be okay. Then when nothing happened except a miscarriage, I considered IVF but after research discounted the idea. IVF seemed to take over the lives of people. If IVF didn't work, the devastation would be even more unbearable for me.

When I hit 40, I thought that was it. My chance was over. I decided that parenting probably wasn't the path for me. I put it out of my mind. I threw myself into other aspects of my life. Then, out of the blue, at age 41, it happened! The amazing thing was that I was three months pregnant before I even realized! The idea had gone so far out of my mind. I had even lost track of my cycle because I wasn't thinking about it anymore.

SUPPORT

Medical Community

InSeason Mom: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy? Were you surprise by their reaction?

Claire: My doctors were reasonably supportive. I did feel though that they were more worried about me because of my age. They seemed at pains to point out the statistics of abnormalities in the babies of more mature people but I was only slightly worried myself.

InSeason Mom: Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?

Claire: No. I found my doctors to be fine. Although one did say that because I would be almost 42 when I gave birth, the chances of having another would not be very high and I would be 'pushing it' to be expecting to have a 'normal' outcome if I tried.

Family and Friends

InSeason Mom: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why?

Claire: I told my husband and then my mother because they were the two most important people to me at the time.

InSeason Mom: What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?

Claire: Most of them were delighted for me but my mother was worried because of my age. A few thought I was selfish and someone else said I was brave.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeason Mom: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Claire: I went to antenatal classes because I thought that is what I should do. I found the classes informative but embarrassing especially when partners came along. I did meet another forty something mother to be there though. We had our children within weeks of each other. Our children are the best of friends now!

InSeason Mom: Where did you give birth?

Claire: I gave birth in hospital. I thought up until the last minute I would have a natural birth but then I had a panic attack. I really freaked out so they decided they would do a c-section.

InSeason Mom: What do you remember most about the birth experience?

Claire: I don't remember much except that wonderful moment when they put my son into our arms! I now understood what people meant when they went on about it!

I AM A MOM

InSeason Mom: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Claire: I am sometimes concerned that I will die before he is a fully-fledged adult. I compensate by taking better care of myself mentally and physically than I did in the past. I eat better. I drink less, exercise more and I take yoga classes during the week. My mother always says 'you don't have to be older to die' and she's right. I know many mothers who are much younger than I am but are less healthy and less energetic.

I also have concerns about him being an only child. I had two miscarriages at age 43 and 44. Now, I am almost 46, giving him a sibling doesn't look likely.

InSeason Mom: What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

Claire: I am more aware of how quickly time goes and how important it is to cherish the moments I have with my child. I used to be embarrassed if someone mentioned that I was an older mom but now I revel in it.

InSeason Mom: How has becoming a mom changed you?

Claire: I am less selfish and I have reconnected with the fun side of myself, a side that had been waning before I had him.

InSeason Mom: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Claire: I would just say go for it as soon as possible. If you are anything like me, you will want to have another. I had a total turnaround in my attitude to being a mother and I am thankful that I got the chance, at least once.

InSeason Mom: Any additional comments?

Claire: Check out my story over at http://www.fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/

InSeason Mom Cynthia would like to thank Claire for being an inspiration to moms across the world! A new InSeason Mom will be featured each month. Check out previous featured InSeason Moms:

http://www.inseasonmom.org/FeaturedMom.html

Featured InSeason Mom-January 2012

2012-01-02T12:00:00.002-05:00

Name: Lori M. Neal

Age: 45

Current Resident of: Minnesota

Child’s name and age: Julian, 2 years old

Current or former profession(s): Actress; Writer

PREGNANCY

InSeason Mom: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Lori: Never. Because of my abusive upbringing, I was always turned off to the idea of kids and marriage. I didn't try to increase my chance of getting pregnant. I had a miscarriage 10 years earlier and figured at age 43 there was a slim to none chance of conceiving.

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

InSeason Mom: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

Lori: Very! The perinatologists were the best. They were all so positive and supportive of my son’s condition.

InSeasonMom: Were you surprised by their reaction?

Lori: Actually, I was. Being single, 43 and with unreliable income, I felt stigmatized, as if I were living up to a stereotype. Not only that, I had also heard accounts from other women whose children had birth defects and were encouraged to get abortions by their doctors. But most of my doctors treated me with kindness and respect.

InSeasonMom: Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors?

Lori: Yes.

InSeasonMom: Why did you change doctors?

Lori: Initially, I began treatment at a low income clinic with a midwife. I always had to wait over 40 minutes to be seen. Then she was constantly arguing with me about how far along I was, as if I wasn’t in the room the day I got pregnant! I didn't know who else to go to. I didn't have health insurance. Then I found out, because I am a Veteran, that the VA Hospital would pay for all of my pre-natal expenses. I upgraded and began going to a clinic near my job.

My initial doctor was very pessimistic and unsupportive of what I wanted for my pregnancy. She shot down my idea of having a natural birth because "women your age" are susceptible to "high risk" pregnancies. She didn't have a sense of humor, either, and never laughed at my one-liners. So, the next day I replaced her. My next doctor was FANTASTIC.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

InSeasonMom: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why?

Lori: The first person I told was the baby’s daddy and he wasn’t trying to hear it.

InSeasonMom: What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?

Lori: My friends were ecstatic, once the shock wore off. Eventually I reconnected with my mother (after 8 years) a few days before my due date. She was shocked but happy.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeasonMom: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Lori: No. Once I found out my son had Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus, and knowing I had a giant fibroid on my uterus blocking the vaginal canal, for his safety, I decided to have a c-section.

InSeasonMom:Where did you give birth and what do you remember most about the birth experience?

Lori: I gave birth in the hospital. The c-section procedure took forever. I couldn’t see anything and no one would speak to me about how things were progressing. When my son was born, I wasn’t allowed to see him. I wasn’t allowed to see him right away on account of the huge opening in his back. They swept him away to get him prepped and to make sure the wound was covered to avoid infection. It felt like I was strapped to that birthing table for hours.

I will never forget when they finally brought him out wrapped in a blanket with this tiny white cap on his head. I couldn’t believe he had just come from my body! He was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen in my life. He literally took my breath away. His lips were red like rubies and puckered like he’d just tasted a lemon. I couldn’t hold him, but I kissed his lips and the nurse laid him on my chest for a minute. Then he was swept off to the NICU and prepped for surgery.

I AM MOM

InSeasonMom: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Lori: I guess the biggest fear I have is having a sudden heart attack or aneurysm and dying and nobody knowing and not finding my son in time. I compensate by making sure my landlord knows to check on me if I haven’t picked up my mail in few days, and trying not to worry about things I cannot control.

InSeasonMom: What do you enjoy about being an older mom?

Lori: I love that I am absolutely nothing like my mother! I love that there is no doubt in mind about my priorities. I love and appreciate my son better at this age. I love that I have finally found unconditional love in my life.

InSeasonMom: How has becoming a mom changed you?

Lori: I’m a little more outgoing, nicer and have more patience. I have someone whose needs I can put ahead of mine and I like that! I have become a bit of an advocate for children with disabilities. I never in my wildest dreams thought my life would veer into that direction.

InSeasonMom: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Lori: Don’t be scurred (laugh out loud). Just make sure it’s something you really, really want. Know that, despite these hard economic times, there are still resources out there if you need them. Just ask ask ask. You will find the answers. And most importantly, do not be ashamed of any help you may need!
WIC, Sec 8, and public assistance were all put in place for a reason. They are invaluable resources to take advantage of if you need to regroup and start over. Forget the media stigma associated with them. Good people havegotten help until they were able to sustain themselves independently and went on to provide stable and loving households for their children.

InSeasonMom:Any additional comments?

Lori: I have to admit, I am a bit concerned by all of this “over-parenting” going on. People have rules for everything. Babies don’t come with rules! In the end, I think it’s best to really tune into your child’s needs and go from there. They will let you know what they want and when.

At the end of the day, if being a parent is what you really want to be, the Universe will provide for you as long as you are actively seeking to succeed. You don’t need a special set of dvd’s or the latest best selling book to tap into the power that resides in all of us. The fact that my son and I are not homeless or hungry and I was able to pay my car off ten months after losing my job is testament to this. I’ve never subscribed to any particular religion, but I believe in my heart a higher power exists and that power wants us all to succeed.

InSeason Mom Cynthia would like to thank Lori for being an inspiration to moms across the world!

Check out the previous featured moms:

March-April 2011 - Lisa Bruchac

May-June 2011 -Stephanie Mines

July-August 2011-Shawna Garcia

Anita-September-October 2011

November-December 2011-Kristin Beltaos

Favorite Christmas Memory?

2011-12-19T09:50:00.000-05:00

www.freedigitalphotos.net/

When I think about Christmas as a child, I can smell the freshly cut pine tree from our backyard, which adjoined to the woods. Our tree proudly wore her holiday outfit of red, green and blue lights. I can taste the hard sweet candies in different Christmas colors and shapes. The candies along with big red apples and oranges overflowed in our brown paper grocery bags, which we decorated the previous night for Santa to put the treats. Yes, we had presents, but the hard candy and fruits are what I remember most. My wish for my daughters is that they will remember their blessings, especially during the most challenging times in life.
Have a Wonderful Christmas!!

Conception After 35 and 40: Wise Advice

2011-12-09T14:09:00.001-05:00

“While it is human nature to grasp onto statistics to help predict the chance of something happening for us, in many ways being too married to these numbers has an adverse effect on our psyche, stress. In turn, this stress has an adverse effect on our body. Mind stress plus body stress does not foster a good environment for conception.”

Kristin Beltaos, November-December 2011 InSeason Featured Mom

Parenting After 40, Southern Style

2011-11-30T13:28:00.000-05:00

Although I’ve vacationed in other parts of the country, I’ve lived in the South all of my life. There are a few traditions that every southerner knows, regardless of their race, religion, or gender. A true southerner would never say “grits ARE good.” Read more

Thank You!

2011-11-23T11:16:00.000-05:00

Peaches, Crystal Mary, Jackie, Eileen, Heather, Crmy, Helena. DP, Cynthia, Margot, Nekky, Alexandra, Yonca, Fortysomethingfirsttimemum, Mojgan, KMerriweather, Mommy Bags, Kristin, Never Growing Old, TherMo, Be Positive Mom, May, Lexie, NewMumOver40,Alfie, Dani, Lisa J., Anna, Michelle, Tracy, Lisa M., Starfish, Phinazee, and Anita.

In this season of thankfulness, I want to thank you for blessing me by being a part of my InSeason Mom blog. Your comments, following and visits have encouraged me in providing support to first time moms and women who want to become moms over 35 and 40. I honestly believe there is a Power greater than our circumstances. There is Hope. There is God!

Being An Older Mom Won’t Shield You From Their Secret Weapon: Mommy Guilt

2011-11-20T16:55:00.000-05:00

I remember the date I realized the one weapon used by the “sweet” children of young and old moms alike: mommy guilt. It was July 8, 2009. Read more

Be Empowered By Your Age!

2011-11-14T09:20:00.000-05:00

Thanks again to Marie Roker Jones for having me as a guest on Raising Great Men on Friday. I didn’t realize my southern accent was so heavy (smile).The interview was recorded so you can still hear the interview by following the link listed in November 8th post. I’m also thankful as I have grown older, I’m less impressed with a person’s social or economic status and more impressed with the person’s attitude. I am empowered by the life lessons I have learned. I’ve realized that age can be an advantage for older moms as I have posted in this article in Parent Society: http://parentsociety.com/todays-family/parents-40/first-time-moms-over-40-speak-up/

InSeason Mom Cynthia On Live Radio This Friday At Noon!

2011-11-08T10:21:00.003-05:00

Here’s my personal invitation to join me on Raising Great Men with Marie Roker Jones on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 12:00PM EST. The topic is The Advantages of Being An Older Parent. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve been interviewed on live radio so I would LOVE your support! Click the link to set your reminder: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/raisinggreatmen1/2011/11/11/the-advantages-of-being-an-older-parent or http://www.blogtalkradio.com/raisinggreatmen1

NOVEMBER-DECEMBER 2011 FEATURED MOM

2011-11-02T12:37:00.003-04:00

"Conceiving a child is more than just a bunch of numbers and statistics, it's about the possibility, not probability that matters." Kristin Beltaos (pictured above)

Name: Krisitn Beltaos

Age: 42

Residence State: Minnesota
Children: Vincent born in 2005 and Miles born in 2008.
Current or former profession(s):
1st – SAHM, 2nd – Life/Business Coach and Owner of A Gift of Miles

PREGNANCY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Kristin: We conceived our first child naturally; however, we miscarried our daughter in the first trimester Thanksgiving weekend of 2003. Then we didn’t conceive after trying almost another year to get pregnant. Once we were diagnosed with male factor infertility, we utilized IUI, Clomid (for three months), progesterone suppositories and acupuncture and conceived our first son, Vincent in 2005.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?

Kristin: Once we were ready to try for another child, it was determined that I had female factor infertility, elevated FSH. My FSH was so high (24) that I wasn’t considered a candidate for IVF, as 25 was the cutoff number to attempt IVF. So the second time around we struggled with male and female factor infertility. In light of this, our only option was injectible fertility medications (Gonal F and then we switched to Follistim), IUI with progesterone supplementation (first suppositories and then progesterone in oil injections). We did conceive another son, but I miscarried him in the emergency room on Christmas Day 2007.

After healing from that miscarriage, we tried another four months and conceived our second son Miles on the same above mentioned regimen. Since we decided this was going to be our last month to try, I did throw acupuncture back into the mix for that last hoorah so to speak. It was difficult to get to acupuncture appointments already having a child. But for that last month, I was determined to try everything possible to maximize our chances. Apparently, that worked out quite well.

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

Kristin: Reproductive Endocrinologists are cautious individuals because there is always the chance of miscarriage. While I really liked my endocrinologist, his message was pretty consistent: you are advanced maternal age, your eggs are old and the quality of your eggs are diminished which puts you at a higher risk for miscarriage and birth defects. Hearing that over and over made it quite challenging to stay positive.

As I previously mentioned, moving to my perinatologist group for my OB care, was a relief.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?

Kristin: I loved my perinatologist group; they were the absolute best. They really develop a family feeling with their patients and it was a joy to see them each visit.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why? What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?

Kristin: With conceiving Vincent, the first person that I told was my husband. Our journey to have Vincent was long, and an extreme rollercoaster ride. We were elated! I can remember getting up at 4 a.m. to take the home pregnancy test. We were elated!

With Miles, it was a funny story. My period had started, or so I thought, so I was very down because we decided it would be the last month to try. I was just so very tired physically, mentally and emotionally. When my period kept starting and stopping I decided to take a home pregnancy test. My cousin was visiting me from Ohio and she was the first person I told, since she was just outside the bathroom door and heard me scream. Then I told my husband. After speaking with my endocrinologist, I was switched to progesterone in oil injections for 10 weeks, as my progesterone level was considered borderline low even on progesterone suppository supplementation.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What was the reaction of friends and family when you told them about your pregnancy?

Kristin: Since we had a miscarriage with our first child and had to use fertility treatments, etc., we were very cautious with telling people once we were pregnant with Vincent. Naturally, it made us a little gun-shy. So once we made it through the first trimester we were overjoyed to share our news. Everyone was so happy because they knew how hard the miscarriage was on us, how hard we were trying to have a baby and how when each month passed we sunk a little deeper into worry.

When we got pregnant with Miles, since we had another miscarriage after Vincent, we were very tight lipped. Since that miscarriage required an emergency room visit, it was quite scary. In particular, my father was extremely worried about me. So once we shared, I can remember him saying that he didn’t even know that we were trying again. Well, we were just that quiet about it. Everyone was so happy that our perseverance paid off and that Vincent would have a sibling.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Kristin: With Vincent we did because we wanted to know what to expect and be prepared. It was actually quite useful, especially for my husband, who learned how to swaddle and change a diaper.

If I remember correctly, our perinatologist group required it. Besides, we are quite the planners. However since we had to have a c-section after 10 hours of labor, we realized, as with most things in life, you just can’t plan everything. So when we had Miles, another c-section, we did not take any classes because we knew what to expect.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you remember most about the birth experience?

Kristin: With Vincent, everything was very stressful. He was a week overdue with no signs of “dropping”. I ran out of amniotic fluid, so I was finally induced. He had terrible heart rate issues, dropping constantly. I was hooked up to a ton of monitors and hearing Vincent’s heart rate dropping was terrifying. After 10 hours of labor, he was taken via c-section, wasn’t breathing right away and had meconium. So that little guy just had one thing after another at birth. But once I was out of recovery at 4 a.m. and began to nurse, I knew we were finally complete. We felt that all of our efforts, our love brought this little boy to us.

For Miles, I remember quite the opposite than with Vincent. With Vincent everything seemed unpredictable….like nothing we could plan for…everything changed in moments and there was A LOT of worry. With Miles, it was great to know he would be there within 30-minutes of my c-section. I felt so much more rested since I didn’t have to do the labor on top of the c-section. I was much more aware of everything that happened with Miles. It was such a great experience to be more present. The added bonus, since Miles was a planned c-section, is that we have wonderful pictures of him being born. I can still look at the pictures and feel like it was yesterday, even with Miles’ third birthday rounding the corner here in December.

I AM A MOM

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Kristin: Honestly, I don’t really have any major concerns. Even though we had to do a lot of intervention to have our boys…I truly believe that everything happened just as it was suppose to. I was supposed to be an InSeason Mom.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

Kristin: I feel much more secure as a woman and also as a mother. I think my focus is on exactly what it needs to be…my husband and children. I enjoy the fact that having a fair amount of life under my belt enables me to teach my boys about compassion and empathy more than if I had them at a younger age.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How has becoming a mom changed you?

Kristin: I don’t sweat the small stuff. Ok, I will rephrase that; I try to not sweat the small stuff. I know that sounds cliché, but having children really taught me that everything happens for a reason and within its own timeframe. My path, my journey to those boys made me resilient…the ups, the downs, the constant unknowns makes me feel like I have been through the fire and I can handle anything that comes my way. I hope that’s also what I can teach those boys. No matter what happens in life, you are well equipped to handle anything that comes your way.

I have two favorite quotes from my favorite children’s author Arnold Lobel. One is from the Frog and Toad “Tomorrow” story; “I am going to take life easy.” Take each and every day as it comes. The good, the bad and the, “eh”. The second quote is from Lobel’s book called Fables, “All the miles of a hard road are worth a moment of true happiness.” I think that one speaks for itself.

InSeason Mom: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Kristin: I think motherhood at any age is a wild ride. Since the chapter that paved my way to motherhood included infertility, I say to women who have difficulty conceiving that conceiving a child is more than just a bunch of numbers and statistics, it's about the possibility, not probability that matters.

If you are having this difficulty, then frame it for yourself this way, people beat the odds everyday, people beat cancer, people have their MS go into remission and people who struggle with infertility have babies. I would much rather leave all the statistics to the racetrack and Vegas. While it is human nature to grasp onto statistics to help predict the chance of something happening for us, in many ways being too married to these numbers has an adverse effect on our psyche, stress. In turn, this stress has an adverse effect on our body. Mind stress plus body stress does not foster a good environment for conception.

I believe every month is a chance, a chance to conceive.

InSeason Mom: Any additional comments?

Kristin: I’d like to provide my personal philosophy on the challenges that we experience in our lives. I believe that every challenge we face, every mile we walk in our lives provides knowledge or what I like to call “a gift”. You may not realize it at the time, it may take you weeks, months or years, but eventually you will come to know that morsel of knowledge that you were to walk away with…and those morsels accumulate and become part of the fabric of you. It’s the way that we come to know our morals, our values and our priorities in life.

InSeason Mom would like to thank Kristin for being an inspiration to moms across the world!

Is There an Age Limit For Being A Good New Mom?

2011-10-26T14:52:00.000-04:00

“When the kid is 25, the mother will be 65!” the reader responded to the article about older first-time moms." (read my latest post at Parent Society) http://parentsociety.com/parenting/is-there-an-age-limit-for-being-a-good-new-mom/

Get Bully Savvy Webinar-How to Empower and Protect Your Child From Bullying

2011-10-19T22:59:00.000-04:00

InSeason Mom Cynthia’s note: Last school term, one of my daughters experienced being bullied. I know how this can affect the child and family. Special thanks to Raising Great Men.com for sponsoring this free webinar and for providing the following information:

Did you know that 1 in 7 Students in Grades K-12 is either a bully or a victim of bullying?
56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school.
15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied at school.
71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.
1 out of every 10 students who drops out of school does so because of repeated bullying.
Harassment and bullying have been linked to 75% of school-shooting incidents.
Suicide rates among 10 to 14-year-olds have grown more than 50 percent over the last three decades.

We all know that bullying is something that is traumatic for children. Being bullied constantly affects your child’s grades, social, emotional and mental well-being. The physical and emotional consequences of bullying results in devastating long-term effects that impacts your child’s self-esteem.

Bullying is not just “kids being kids”. You can’t just wait for things to get better. Don’t allow your child to be a target. Kids are going to drastic measures such as plastic surgery to avoid bullying. Most kids don’t report bullying incidents to their parents, so you may not even be aware that your child is being bullied.

Take charge of the situation to ensure your child’s safety and well being online and at school.

In honor of National Stop Bullying Month, on Thursday, 10/27 8:00pm EST, please join Raising Great Men.com and guest Brenda High, writer of the successful “Bullycide in America: Moms Speak out About the Bullying/Suicide Connection” and Founder and Co-Director of Bully Police USA for a free webinar.

Please visit Get Bully Savvy for more info.

Pregnant and Over 40: Feeling Alone?

2011-10-11T22:12:00.000-04:00

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=587

At one time or another, you are going to be the new girl in school, in church, on your job, in your boyfriend or husband’s family. The new girl always stands out. She has to build her network of new friends. She often feels alone.

Being pregnant and over 40 often makes a woman feels like she is the new girl. She no longer fits in her social circle. Her friends may be planning their children’s wedding or college location while she is planning a birth location. Friends may be talking about joys of the “empty nest” while she is preparing for the heavenly scents and sounds of a newborn.

What can a pregnant woman over 40 do to overcome the feeling of isolation?

1) Embrace your season in life. This is your special season for conception and birth that the Creator has given you. Your girlfriend or mother’s may have given birth much younger. However, you are not your mama or your girlfriend. You are unique. Appreciate it.

2) Join a local or online support group for pregnant women over 40. You will find many good groups online. If the online groups don’t fit your style, establish a local group.

3) Be encouraged by research. A recent national report found birth rates falling in virtually every age group of women in their childbearing years — except for those between 40 and 50. The group aged 40 to 44 had its largest birth rate since 1967.

4) Choose your thoughts wisely. Like a gardener who pulls the weeds out of her flowerbed, pull the negative thoughts from your mind. Replace them with positive and uplifting thoughts.

I encourage you to try these suggestions because even the “new girl” eventually adapts to her changing environment.

Conceiving In Your 40s: Still A Hot Topic??? Survey Says---

2011-10-06T13:53:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite shows is Family Feud and I’m really good at the game. Although I may not agree with the answers of the “100 people” asked, I’m seldom wrong about their “hot topic” answers.

It’s no secret that what brings in huge ratings or followers for any media network is to select a hot topic, then write or say the most negative thing about the topic. Back in the day, people would call this “throw a brick, then hide your hands” concept. Today, it’s probably given a more modern tech sounding name. Regardless of the term used, the brick throwers call it professional journalism.

We, first time moms in our 40s, are still a hot topic for the brick throwers. Headlines such as “Is She Just Too Old For This” or “Should Older Women Get Pregnant” prove three things:

1) Many people are interested in our private lives.
2) These people have too much time on their hands and need to use some of the time for volunteering.
3) Older first-time moms are becoming more prevalent.

If you are pregnant and in your late 30s or over 40, take a minute and read my article Expectant First-Time Mom Over 40-Avoid These Three Things , I know you will be encouraged.

Baby Changes Everything Author Beth Vogt

2011-10-01T06:00:00.004-04:00

Baby Changes Everything remains one of the best books I’ve read on motherhood after 35 or 40. Learn about Beth Vogt in this interview.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Why did you write Baby Changes Everything?

Vogt: When I found out I was pregnant again at 41—at the time our children were 17, 14 and 12 ½--I felt so alone. I didn’t know anyone else like me. I wandered the bookstores looking for a book to help me figure this out—this being a late-in-life pregnancy. There were a few books out there—but none were written from a faith-based perspective. None were written for “repeaters” like me, women who already had children. None included a whole family perspective.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Tell me about the women interviewed for you book?

Vogt: I wanted a wide range of stories. So, there are stories of women who struggled with infertility, one woman who was widowed and remarried, women who faced divorce, women who were surprised with an unexpected pregnancy like I was, women who experienced blended families.

InSeason Mom Cynthia : Does your book share any insights from older dads?

Vogt: This is one way Baby Changes Everything is different from other books on late-in-life motherhood. It has a whole family perspective. I interviewed late-in-life dads to get their perspective on the experience. One of the dads I interviewed was Dr. Kevin Leman, who wrote The Birth Order Book. He provided some key insights. I even interviewed my own husband because I didn’t want to assume I knew what he thought about our experience.

InSeason Mom Cynthia : What is the main difference between a woman who experience a surprise pregnancy after 35 compared to a woman who experience a much desired pregnancy after 35?

Vogt:There’s a huge difference emotionally when a woman’s been hoping and wishing and trying to get pregnant versus a woman who is stunned by a positive pregnancy test. I say my unexpected pregnancy at 41 felt like a huge case of identity theft. It was no where on my “Life To Do” list—not even an optional activity. So, it took me quite a while—months—to adjust emotionally to how life was going to change now that I was pregnant. All women have adjustments after a baby is born, but an unexpected pregnancy magnifies those adjustments.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What message do you want readers of Baby Changes Everything to remember after reading the book?

Vogt: I wanted to put a more positive spin on late-in-life motherhood. I want women who either choose to have children late in life or are surprised by a caboose baby to be encouraged as they read my book. I want them to feel supported, informed and challenged to be successful older moms.

Are You Mentally Prepared For A Baby-PT 2

2011-09-21T11:07:00.004-04:00

Photo property of InSeason Mom-Unauthorized Use Prohibited

I’ll shout it from the roof top as I long as I can speak. “Babies are a blessing!” Nevertheless, our little blessings can make the best laid out plans spin out of obit.

Do you make quick trips to the store or supermarket to pick up a few items? Have you perfected your quick “get set, ready, go” method for getting dressed to go any place from church to a concert? Well, when baby arrives, you’ll find that that the words quick, easy, fast will fade from your vocabulary. Although I didn’t always feel this way when my daughters were infants or toddlers, I now believe one of the best things that young children teach us is to slow down, appreciate each moment.

When baby arrives, your quick trip to the supermarket or any errand requires more planning. You pack a bag for baby, which includes everything from extra diapers to extra milk to extra bibs. You pack a bag for yourself, which includes more of baby’s things and your wallet.

Depending on your personal preference, you may decide to wash and change baby before or after his or her bag is packed. In reality, it matters little because no one can possibly know when your little blessing will poop or spit up while giving you the most adorable smile that you’ve ever seen.

I would suggest to any new mom when she is taking her baby on her quick errands, to allow at least 30 minutes to 1 hour extra for preparation. I would probably suggest more time if she is taking her baby on a longer trip.

What helpful advice would you give an expectant mom to help her mentally prepare for a new baby?

Are You Mentally Prepared For A Baby?

2011-09-12T12:03:00.001-04:00

When I gave birth to my first baby, my Aunt Edyth told me, “Get ready not to sleep for the next two years.”

After not getting a sound sleep for the next couple of months, I realized my aunt was not joking but speaking from experience!

The average newborn or toddler will zap the energy of any mother whether she is 22 or 42.

Let’s talk about newborns. The average newborn cries more than any new mom ever anticipates. The average newborn sleeps from 15 minutes to 2 hours before waking up for feeding.

Translation: The BEST scenario with the BEST baby. Mom gets to bed at 11:00 p.m. She is awakened at midnight by the sweet whimper of her newborn. She is awakened at 2 a.m. by the sweet whimper of her newborn. She is awakened at 4 a.m. by the crying of her newborn. Baby does not want to go back to sleep until 5a.m. Most women whether she is 25, 35, or 45 feel zapped/drained/exhausted after getting out of bed several times at night to feed or just to hold and comfort her crying baby.

Taking care of a baby is work and does require lots of energy. It is important to eat healthy and, every now and then, to allow people you trust to watch your little one for an hour or two while you take a break.

In upcoming posts, I’ll share other tips on preparing yourself mentally for your baby. Meanwhile, some of the best advice for women considering motherhood after 35 came from Anita, our Featured September-October 2011 Mom.

Anita said, “I think most women have an innate desire to become mothers, therefore, I wish to those who want children to be blessed with them; especially if they are over 35, an age that has allowed much thought time in previous years. However, I must qualify this statement by adding that women need to know that life as they know it will be gone when baby comes along and to be mentally prepared; yet the fulfillment to someone who wants to be a mom provides the greatest joy.”

Prayer for the babies of 9/11

2011-09-10T18:47:00.000-04:00

I hold back my tears as I answer the many questions that my young daughters have about 9/11. They are trying to process the images of an attack on the United States that they’ve seen over the internet and in school. I don’t expect them to understand something that I can’t fully grasp, even ten years later. So on 9/11/11 we will say a special prayer for all those personally affected, especially the children who were babies when they lost a parent in the tragedy of September 11, 2001.

Welcome New Sponsor!

2011-09-08T08:26:00.002-04:00

I am pleased to welcome Power Resumes and Coaching as a sponsor of InSeason Mom website and blog.

As we know, it's a tough economy, especially for those who are unemployed or unhappily employed. With 20 years experience, Power Resumes & Coaching motivates job hunters to redesign their resumes and open the door to interviews with employers in a very competitive job market.

For affordable advertising on InSeason Mom, which ranks #1 on Goggle in the “support for first time moms over 35 and 40” category, email me or visit http://www.inseasonmom.org/Advertise.html

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2011 FEATURED MOM

2011-09-01T00:01:00.010-04:00

Anita enjoying time at the museum

Name: Anita

Age: 53

State currently living in: Virginia

Children: Hayley was born in 1995. Kelly was born in 1998. Mallory was born in 2000.

Current or former profession(s): I have a B.S. degree in Business Information Systems. One month after earning it, I began a career as a computer programmer analyst, which lasted 15 years. I married at age 36 and ended my career to focus on marriage and my desire to have children. Currently, I am a stay-at-home mom.

PREGNANCY
InSeason Mom Cynthia: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Anita: Because I was 36 and wanted more than one child, my husband and I decided to start trying 5 months after we were married. I had no idea how long it would take to conceive, however, I’m one of “those women” who could feel ovulation, and sensed that I would get pregnant. I conceived during that first “try.”

InSeason Mom: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?

Anita: I hoped and prayed that I would get pregnant, but did not physically do anything that I thought would help, besides waiting a month or two after stopping the birth control pill before trying to conceive.

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

Anita: My doctor was new to me. I’d only met him once before coming to the office for the official pregnancy test. He was courteous and professional; not expressing any surprise about my “quick” conception. My husband and I were given lots of information on what to expect, and I was asked if I wanted to have an amniocentesis. After discussing the procedure and the purpose for it, my husband and I decided against it. I was glad that my doctor was in agreement with us, and throughout my pregnancy, I felt comfortable being in his care.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why? What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?

Anita: My mother was the first person to get the news of my pregnancy. She was 61 years old and did not have grandchildren. She was absolutely delighted! Afterward, I called a few friends. The “girls” were so happy for me, too. I’m sure they were thinking, “It’s about time.”

For a few years, I actually kept the phone records of the calls I made. All of my closest friends were in other cities, and the bill listed the long distance calls. That’s how sentimental I was about the whole experience.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Anita: During the pregnancy, my husband and I took the childbirth classes offered at the hospital; pillow and all. For me, there was no thought of whether to take the class or not; it seemed the smart thing to do for a first pregnancy – to be as informed as possible. I thought surely I’d be huffing and puffing and pushing out baby, but mine came out by caesarean section.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Tell me more about your labor and delivery experience.

Anita: At 41 weeks gestation with amniotic fluid decreasing, it was decided that I would be induced. The first step was softening my cervix at night, and then starting the Pitocin the next morning. At 6 centimeters and signs that I was going no further, it was highly recommended that I have a c-section.

My second child was an attempted VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean). At 8 centimeters and a fever, I told my nurse, “Get the doctor and let’s get her out.”

Child number three was a planned c-section.

Some women have awful morning sickness, some have to be on bed rest, some feel so uncomfortable and can’t wait to have their baby; I had c-sections. Many women don’t have any of this, even being over the so-called advanced age of 35.

My babies were born when I was 37 (2 weeks before turning 38), 40, and 42. I had a bit of the initial nausea, but cruised through the pregnancies. The old girl (I) was even up within hours after all my surgeries, which I’m told is not the norm.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you remember most about the birth experience?

Anita: I suppose there are as many birth experiences as there are fingerprints. I remember much of it, but what I mostly remember, is seeing my children for the first time; their red screaming bodies and scrunchy little faces, and the love I felt for them.

I AM A MOM

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Anita: I lean more toward optimism; therefore, I don’t have any major concerns about having become a “mom over 35.” Sometimes I do think about the realities of being an older mom, though…like being a grandma. Will either of my girls have children at a younger age than I did, giving me the chance to be an active grandmother?

Will I maintain my energy level long enough to get my children out the door to college?

Will I get through the teen years simultaneously with menopause?

The fact that I can laugh as I say this, gives me assurance that it’s okay. If God enables our bodies to produce into our forties, surely we’re given the necessities to "handle it." Right?

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

Anita: That I am handling it. As an older woman/mom, I am more confident. I am not afraid that my children are lacking now, or that they will lack in the future. They will be their own selves and make their own way. As they’re learning, I’m having fun re-learning with them. I’m giving them my best. Perhaps, I would have felt the same as a younger mother, too.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How has becoming a mom changed you?

Anita: How have I changed since becoming a mom? I’m NEVER bored. I love seeing the world through the eyes of a child. I also love realizing my own adult maturity that contrasts with the actions of my children…most of the time…okay, sometimes.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Anita: I think most women have an innate desire to become mothers, therefore, I wish to those who want children to be blessed with them; especially if they are over 35, an age that has allowed much thought time in previous years. However, I must qualify this statement by adding that women need to know that life as they know it will be gone when baby comes along and to be mentally prepared; yet the fulfillment to someone who wants to be a mom provides the greatest joy.

Occasionally, I hear infertility statistics and health issue statistics for the mom and baby when the mom is over 35. I heard these things when I was 35, but my heart and desire would not allow fear. I have 3 healthy children. Many women over 35 have conceived and have healthy children. Follow your heart.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Any additional comments?

Anita: For another of my “baby stories” see my post titled “Vaginal vs. C-section” at
http://btdas.blogspot.com/2009/09/vaginal-vs-c-section.html

Thank you, Cynthia, for featuring me this month and allowing me to tell my story. You are a wonderful spokesperson and advocate for older women who desire to be moms.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Thank you Anita for being an inspiration to moms across the world! Check out other Featured InSeason Moms:
JULY-AUGUST 2011 FEATURED MOM
MAY-JUNE 2011 FEATURED MOM
MARCH-APRIL 2011 FEATURED MOM

Monday Morning Inspiration

2011-08-29T10:04:00.000-04:00

Monday Morning Motivation by Danielle is always an uplifting read. I'm following Danielle's lead and sharing an inspirational quote submitted on my Facebook page by the Gift of Miles:

"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." ~ Unknown

Any inspirational thoughts you want to share?

Surprise Pregnancy Over 40!

2011-08-19T20:10:00.002-04:00

InSeason Mom is dedicated to women over the 35 and 40 who are fearful of having a baby because they view the common misconceptions as truth. My goal is to ease their fear by exposing myths with facts. I want the first time older mom to have support as she works with her physician to ensure the best health care possible.

But how about the 40-something woman who discovers that she is pregnant after she thought she was out of her child-bearing years? Do I write anything differently to her? No, not really. All of my articles excluding the ones on trying to conceive are written as encouragement to expectant moms over 35 and 40, regardless of whether the pregnancy was planned or not planned.

I do offer coaching to expectant moms over 35 because chat rooms and message boards are wonderful but sometimes you want live support and individualized attention from someone like me who had her first and second baby in her 40s!

One of my friends with adult children finds it hard to believe that women in their 40s are surprised when they become pregnant, but I can certainly understand. Even now with more resources about pregnancy over 40, there are still many more preaching the message of how rare pregnancy is in your 40s.
Although I realize medical professionals would explain this next point differently citing all the variables, I’ll explain without fancy words. If you have a menstrual cycle and have sex, you can get pregnant!

If you are an over 35, pregnant and haven’t read the encouraging articles on InSeason Mom, please take some time to do so. If you desire further assistance, please email me: cynthia@inseasonmom.org
Blessings!

Mom At Last!

2011-08-16T09:36:00.001-04:00

It’s no secret that I firmly believe there is a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Your season for getting married and becoming a mother may not be the same as my season. Waiting for our season often drains us, discourages us and leaves us questioning our dreams. This is the reason I enjoy introducing you to women like Sharon Simons who became “moms at last.”

Sharon is founder of Mom At Last. She had a dream to become a mother which she was determined to follow. Her path was difficult but ultimately successful. Born in New Jersey and living in Delaware, she is married to her soul mate Rick and the very proud Mom to her two sons Dylan and Hunter.

(pictured below is Sharon with sons)

Sharon struggled to become a Mom, dealing with the uncertain world of infertility including three in vitro fertilizations, tubal pregnancy, and the loss of a pregnancy with twin boys at 19 weeks. That loss only made her more determined to become a Mom. Thankfully that dream became a reality due to international adoption.

Sharon is inspired to share her experiences, to offer insight, and inspire other women find their strength to achieve their goal of becoming mothers. Her passion involves using her journey to motherhood to educate and help women become a “Mom at Last“. Her main message is to let women everywhere know that when you finally hold your child in your arms, no matter how that child became your child, you will understand and appreciate your journey to motherhood.

“Advanced Maternal Age” outdated as “Old Maid or Spinster”

2011-08-08T13:20:00.000-04:00

This morning it occurred to me that the term “advanced maternal age” is as outdated as the term “old maid or spinster.” In the medical community, if a woman gives birth over age 35, the physician will most likely write on her chart Advanced Maternal Age.

I compare this similar to the term “spinster or old maid” as a check box selection under marital status of an important document. Spinster or old maid is defined as an offensive term for a woman who has remained single beyond the conventional age for marrying.

According to resources that I have found, the advanced maternal age term was coined over 30 years ago. Needless to write, things have changed over the last 30 years. Women are continuing their education and career longer, marrying later and giving birth later. Women have made major impacts on all levels of society. In the United States, we have even had a female as a leading candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination.

While it is true that some women experience complications in pregnancy after 35, it is equally true that most women can experience a healthy pregnancy after age 35. (See my article You Can Have a Healthy Pregnancy after 35).

Medical experts now agree “age alone does not predict risk, but several lifestyle factors, such as family history, socioeconomics, and demographics have major impacts on the well-being of the mother and infant.”

I give the medical community credit for not using the following terms as frequently to refer to women giving birth over 35: mature primigravida. elderly primigravida, elderly parturient, post-mature and obstetrically senescent. Considering that more women are giving birth for the first time after age 35 than ever, we need a more modern term, a less dated term, a "makeover" term. Let's see, I prefer the term that I coined when I gave birth to my first and second child in my early and mid 40s: InSeason Mom!

World’s Oldest “Kindergarten” Mom (Revisited)

2011-08-01T10:05:00.001-04:00

I first wrote this post in August 2009. I post it again as encouragement to older moms who have children beginning kindergarten this fall.

My baby started kindergarten this week. She has an easier path than big sister who started school two years ago. Thanks to big sister, my baby (who will now be referred to as little sister) knows a few of the teachers and children. Little sister has been to the school many times with big sister, dad and me. Everyone thinks little sister and big sister look so much alike they could be twins.(Big sister who is 22 months older HATES being mistaken for twins :) Thanks to big sister who is in advanced placement classes and is an award-winning reader with a friendly disposition, everyone expects good things from little sister.

Yes, big sister has made it easier for everyone, even mommy. Although I experienced all the joys and pains of seeing my baby…oops…my youngest…I mean… little sister begin school as I did with big sister, there is one thing I didn’t experience. I didn't experience thoughts of having every teacher, every parent and every student stop and stare at me because I looked so old walking my daughter to kindergarten. Thanks to my circle of online over 35 and 40-moms and the older moms I’ve seen at my daughter’s school----then again, they may have been their grandmothers---anyway-- I no longer fear the image of being the World’s Oldest “Kindergarten” Mom.

I know I will be the oldest mom in the class. (I will admit that I don’t go around advertising my age.) My daughters’ classmates refer to me as they do all the other moms. “That’s (insert name of classmate) mom.”

I have told my daughters that I am much older than the moms of their classmates. I have told my daughters that they are a gift from God and that I waited a long time to receive this gift. Therefore, even if a classmate mistakes me as their grandma, I have told my daughters not to become upset, but to simply correct the error.

I've learned two important lessons from being an over 40 mom with young school-age children.
Lesson 1: I am not the FIRST older or “Inseason Mom” nor will I be the last. Translation: I am not such a novelty that anyone will stop and stare at me.

Lesson 2: Moms are not only connected by age but by similar values. Although I am the oldest mom, I've found 20-something and 30-something-year-old moms who share the same values that I have. We have connected.

While it's true that your little one will meet a new friend in kindergarten, it is equally as true that you may make a new friend too! Stay positive and blessings!

JULY-AUGUST 2011 FEATURED MOM

2011-07-22T00:00:00.004-04:00

Name: Shawna Garcia

Age: 39

State currently living in: Utah

Daughter Isabella born in 2008

Current or former profession(s): Internet Business Owner. Former - Owner & Founder of Red Brick Appraisal, a Residential Real Estate Firm.

PREGNANCY

InSeason Mom: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Shawna: 2 months

InSeason Mom: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?

Shawna: I ate really healthy. Lots of raw foods: tahini, celery, lots of water and I did my best to cut out my then habit of drinking coffee. I've since kicked the addiction all together. I educated myself by reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility so I really understood my fertility signs. I also created a vision board of me with my baby and family and did affirmations and visualizations pretty much every spare moment I had!

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

InSeason Mom: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

Shawna: They were all very supportive.

InSeason Mom: Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors?

Shawna: Initially I started with a group of midwives at a local hospital because it was important to me to have my regular baby/mommy check-ups. I knew,however, that I was going to change "doctors" because I wanted a home-birth with home-birth midwives.

I was upfront with the hospital midwives and they were mostly supportive. They weren't so concerned about my age, but more so about my desire to home-birth. I did plan on using this group of midwives as a hospital back-up should my home-birth require a hospital intervention. I had a very good plan.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

InSeason Mom: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why? What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?

Shawna: I told a group of LDS missionaries because they were friends of mine and they happened to come to my home right after I had taken the pregnancy test. I was so excited I had to share. I probably would have told the mailman if he would have been my first contact :). They were all very excited for me as they knew I wanted a baby very badly at this point in my life.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeason Mom: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Shawna: Yes, I took a Birthing from Within Class. I took this class because one of the doulas that worked with my home-birth midwives was holding the class. I also wanted the opportunity to interact with other home-birthing moms and dads.

InSeason Mom: Where did you give birth?

Shawna: At home.

InSeason Mom: What do you remember most about the birth experience?

Shawna: The moment I held my daughter. Still brings tears of joy to my eyes. That was the most awesome moment of my life!

I AM A MOM

InSeason Mom: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Shawna: I don't have any fears about being a mom over 35. I do however have concerns of "doing a good job" and raising a healthy sovereign child.

InSeason Mom: What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

Shawna: I enjoy being an older mom because I have had a good amount of life experience and feel like my child will benefit from the my life-long commitment to my personal & spiritual growth.

InSeaon Mom: How has becoming a mom changed you?

Shawna: How could it not? Wow - where do I start....being a mom has opened my heart. I have loved unconditionally for the first time. I took a quantum leap in my spiritual growth since becoming a mother. I am more patient, communicate better, listen more intently, am more focused.

I have become more organized and therefore more productive in all areas of my life. I know my daughter learns by watching my example, so being a mom has given me a good reason to step-up even more in life!

InSeason Mom: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Shawna: Go for it! Honor your inspired thoughts, take that inspiration and put it into action. Listen to doctors, educators & specialists without ego, but in the end do not fear, trust yourself and your body.

InSeason Mom: Any additional comments?

Shawna: I highly recommend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility byToni Weschler for any women interested in knowing her body intimately, but especially for women over 35 who desire pregnancy.

I believe this education will assist women in becoming an expert over their own body & fertility signs, thus shortening the length of time it takes one to become pregnant. I, personally, felt very much in control and empowered upon learning this information.

InSeason Mom Cynthia would like to thank Shawna for being an inspiration to moms across the world!

Telling Family and Friends about Your Over-40 Pregnancy

2011-07-15T07:46:00.000-04:00

Congratulations you’re expecting a baby! You waited, prayed and are excited about your first baby. Whether you decide to tell the world or just secretly bask for a while in the wonder of future motherhood, here are a few pointers to prepare you in telling your big news.

First, decide whether you will have additional prenatal testing performed other than the routine. Routine prenatal tests are blood, urine and blood pressure checks. These tests are performed regularly on all pregnant women.

As an expectant mother over 35, your physician will give you the option of receiving prenatal tests to diagnose or screen for genetic or chromosomal birth defects such as Down syndrome. Amniocentesis and Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) are two of the most common tests.

While no prenatal test is 100 percent accurate, you may be an expectant mom who feels safe announcing her pregnancy after she receives a normal result from one of these tests. Or if the results are not as you hoped, you may be an expectant mom who wants to prepare her family and friends for the arrival of special needs baby. You may be an expectant mom who decides against any testing other than the routine. Regardless of where you stand on additional prenatal testing, you will have to make a decision.

Perhaps, prenatal testing is no big deal for you, but you want to wait until the end of first trimester to announce your pregnancy to family and friends. According to medical experts, the majority of miscarriages occur within the first 12 weeks. Unfortunately, the common symptoms of early pregnancy such as nausea, vomiting, dizziness and frequent urination may not allow you to keep your secret as long as you would like.

After sharing the good news of your pregnancy with your partner, many women tell a close relative or friend. As an expectant mom in her 40s, the reactions you receive may range from joy to amazement to disappointment.

There will be at least one well- meaning relative or friend who tells you that you are too old to have a baby. Remain calm and respond with confidence that everything has a season and that this is your season to give birth. Or use wit and humor by borrowing a line from Jan Andersen, publisher of Mother Over 40. Jan's response is “Aren’t you too OLD to be so rude or tactless?”

Other family and friends may not say anything negative but respond with a disapproving or disappointing demeanor. Don’t be too discouraged by their behavior. Your pregnancy may be interfering with their vision of you. They may have viewed you as the satisfied career woman who never wanted a baby or the best auntie who gave the best gifts because she didn’t have children of her own.

When you are emotionally ready to tackle the negative demeanor of a relative or friend, ask the reason for their response to your joyous announcement. Don’t offer assurance by saying your relationship will remain unchanged. Your relationship will change. A baby brings changes in life. You probably won’t feel like taking your little niece to an early morning soccer practice after staying up all night with your crying newborn. Offer assurance by saying that even though you will have to eliminate some responsibilities during pregnancy and after the baby arrives, your love for that family member or friend will remain unchanged.

As I have written numerous times and will write numerous more times, limit your contact with negative people. Hormones during pregnancy create its own physical and emotional challenges. Negativity only escalates these roller coaster emotions. Contact me if I can "coach" you in experiencing the joyous pregnancy you deserve!

Publicize Your Event Free!

2011-07-11T13:30:00.002-04:00

If you are hosting an event that supports or is of interest to first time moms over 35 and 40, please email me (info@inseasonmom.org) the specifics of your event at least 3 weeks in advance. I do ask that in return that you publicly follow this blog or “like” InSeason Mom on Facebook.

Check out this event sent by Kristin Beltaos, M.A.,Life Coach/Owner, A Gift of Miles (By the way, Kristin delivered two babies in her late 30s and against all odds!)

Child Food Allergies 102: Ready and Rarin’ for School

The second in four child food allergy workshops is slated for Saturday, August 6
9 a.m. – 11 a.m. (CDT).

Feel Optimistic, Prepared and Confident

Connect with the dynamic Moms who creatively manage child food allergies for a 1 1/2 hour telephone workshop followed by a 30 minute Question-Answer Session!

In no time, you’ll feel confident navigating the anxiety and obstacles associated with food allergies and school.

* Get the 411 on 504, IHP and Emergency Plans

* Acquire tips and tools to ease your stress and educate teachers, staff and parents

* Tackle the scariest room at school: The Lunchroom

* Discover resources to advocate for:

* School Wellness Programs

* Fun, food-free alternatives for celebrations and activities

* Uncover ways to manage social activities beyond the classroom

TO REGISTER: http://foodallergies102.eventbrite.com/
20% of the telephone workshop proceeds go to the Anaphylaxis and Food Allergy Association of Minnesota (AFAA), an accomplished non-profit whose mission is food allergy education, advocacy, and support.

Feel Old Look Old?

2011-07-06T18:59:00.000-04:00

Today I visited A Child After 40, which is a free and private online community -the first initiative to empower women on the journey of motherhood after 40, from fertility, birth or adoption to a midlife renaissance of parenting and self discovery. This week's expert Claudia Spahr, Former BBC journalist and Author of Right Time Baby--The Complete Guide to Later Motherhood made reference to Dr. Ellen Langer' study.

By the way, Spahr's book, Right Time Baby–The Complete Guide to Later Motherhood is a personal narrative, with revealing quotes, practical tips and useful information for later life mothers on the topics of fertility, conception, pregnancy, childbirth and the baby’s first year.

Now about Dr. Langer's study, the Harvard University professor proved in her studies that people who feel old actually look older than their years. Those who feel younger, look much younger than their age. What do you think? Do you think if we “feel” old, we look old?

All Moms Deal With Misconceptions!

2011-06-26T19:22:00.003-04:00

“I can’t wait to turn 30 so that people will think I’m old enough to have all these children,” said my soon to be 30 year-old-friend Bionca. “All these children” means the three she has. Her response was in reference to what I had said about first time over- 40 moms mistaken as the grandmothers of their children. Because of her youthful appearance, she is no doubt stereotyped as a young unwed mother. In reality, Bionca is a beautiful educated married woman who is an officer in the United States Army.

Another mom who is in her late 20s or early 30s shared stories of how people always assume her bi-racial children belong to someone else. “If I’m with a friend, the children are never mine. Always my friend’s. People don’t even look at the features, just the skin color.” Again, her response was in reference to what I had said about first time over- 40 moms mistaken as the grandmothers of their children.

The truth is all moms deal with one misconception or another. I won’t dare discuss the mommy wars…stay at home moms versus the professional moms. I will say when people misjudge me unfavorably-is that your grandchild-my pride weakens. When people misjudge me favorably-you must exercise a lot to stay in such great shape-my ego expands like a balloon.

When we are misjudged unfavorably, it is a normal desire to wish we could fit in with the crowd. But it is dangerous to want to fit in with the crowd at all cost. We give up too much of ourselves. Within the last several months, I met a woman in her 40s who wanted to have a baby but was afraid of others mistaken her as the child’s grandmother. “I have too much pride for that,” she boasted.

I can’t help from wondering what price she is paying to avoid being stereotyped as a grandmother. On her dying bed, I wonder if she will regret not giving birth or adopting a baby because she needed approval from a society that changes as frequently as a newborn wets her diaper.
****Blessings, InSeason Mom Cynthia

Expectant Mom Over 35 and 40 Affirmations

2011-06-22T20:46:00.000-04:00

As I have said before, I will remain forever puzzled that everyone from friends to strangers believe it’s okay to give unsolicited advice to pregnant women. Too often pregnant women over 35 and 40 are left feeling more insecure after dealing with these self-proclaimed experts. For good mental and spiritual health, it’s important that expectant first time moms replace the negative with positive. I want to share 5 affirmations I made during pregnancy:

Expectant Mom Over 35 Affirmations by Cynthia Wilson James

1. I am in the perfect season of my life to give birth.

2. I am thankful that the Creator of the Universe has chosen me to be the mother of this child.

3. I will not allow negative comments or thoughts to penetrate my spirit and keep me from enjoying my pregnancy.

4. I will survive the discomforts of pregnancy, as did the other women before me.

5. I will practice good nutrition, which will prepare my body for delivering a healthy baby.

Pregnancy Over 40: Survival Tips- Part II

2011-06-10T18:44:00.006-04:00

One of the best things I love about blogging and publishing InSeason Mom is that I get to share in the joy of so many wonderful people that I would not have. Annie with http://newtomum.blogspot.com/ is one of those people. Although we haven't physically met, I have met through her blog. Within the last day or so, I learned, from reading her blog, that after an intense two-year journey of trying to conceive, 42-year-old Annie and her husband are expecting their first child! Congratulations and blessings! I am thrilled. (Please read update on Annie at the end of this posting)

I'll bet Annie isn't the only first time 40-something woman who recently found out that she is expecting and is happy about it! For all of these women and for all of us who know the women, I wanted to revisit and update tips I provided in a December 2009 blog.

1)REALIZE YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Although reports vary when citing the recent number of women giving birth for the first time in their 40s, most agree that the number of mothers in this category has doubled in the last several years.

Now is the best time ever to be a first time mom over 40. There are several good resources including books, compact discs, digital video disks and online support groups. Almost every state in the U.S. and many cities have local support groups for moms over 35.

Take comfort, my sisters while you may be the only expectant mom over 40 in your circle of friends or small community, you are far from being alone.

2)CHOOSE AN OBSTETRICIAN/MIDWIFE WHO WILL TREAT YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL NOT AS A STATISTIC

The first words out of your doctor’s mouth upon confirming your pregnancy may not be congratulations but may be statistics citing the medical history of pregnant women over age 35. I understand that he/she may not have seen many excited over 40-moms-to-be and may be unprepared for his/her first over 40 expectant mom. Therefore, don't make any quick decisions based upon what the first statements out of your doctor's mouth. You may have to help educate him/her in this area.

It's important for you to remember that age alone is not an indicator that there will be a problem with your pregnancy. Ask your prospective health care provider if he or she has concerns about pregnancy over 35. Listen carefully to make sure the concerns are medically based rather than opinion-based.

Opinion-based concerns are those that do not have any medical validity. You'll easily recognize them. Your health care provider may be concerned that collectively the medical history of pregnant women over age 40 shows an increased risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, cesarean birth and chromosomal defects.

Remember that these studies are based on the results of midlife pregnant women as a group and are not based on your individual medical history. Select an obstetrician or midwife who respects your right to have your pregnancy viewed individually.

3)GUARD YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
I am forever puzzled that when any woman becomes pregnant, everyone from family members to strangers offer unsolicited advice. Many of these folks seem to delight in telling pregnancy horror stories. As an older expectant mom, you will hear an even wider-range of comments. Many will tap into your insecurity of being too old to give birth or ask how old you will be when your baby goes to first- grade, becomes a teenager, get married and so forth.

How do you handle so much negativity during a time when you are most vulnerable? The first thing to remember is your pregnant body is going through physical as well as emotional changes. Comments that you may have laughed off during your pre-pregnancy state may now send you in tears. Therefore, it’s important to surround yourself with positive books and people. Take a minute to read a funny book, article or watch a comedy.

Next, have a comeback for the well-meaning folks. For example, when one ask how you will be in five years when your baby enters first grade or in thirteen years when your baby goes to college, ask them how old you will be in this length of time if you didn’t give birth. Hopefully, they’ll get the point. We grow older whether or not we pursue motherhood or other dreams in our late 30s or 40s.

And if giving a polite response doesn’t work, tell them as we do in the South, “to mind their own business.”
I wish you Happy Mothering!

(6-17-11 update- Annie recently experienced a miscarriage. I am saddened by her loss, but encouraged by the following words she wrote. "It leaves me with the only thing I can do. To once again hand it over to God. To accept that I cannot possibly understand the spiritual plan of my life. To accept that there are never any answers. To simply believe. To be patient.")

May-June 2011 Featured InSeason Mom

2011-05-31T08:17:00.001-04:00

Most of us first time moms over 40 worry about how old we will be when our children are in high school, college, married or you name it. I'm encouraged by women who gave birth in their 40s more than 20 years ago and who are still going STRONG. The featured InSeason Mom for May-June is one of these women, Dr. Stephanie Mines. Check her story out:

Name: Stephanie Mines
Age: 67
State currently living in: Colorado
Daughter born in 1989
Current or former profession(s): Psychologist/Writer/Educator ~ in addition to these I am now a Principal Investigator in clinical trials for the treatment of autism. I continue with all the previous professions as well. I am writing a book on sensory integration.

PREGNANCY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Stephanie: I wasn't trying to get pregnant! Actually I was trying NOT to get pregnant! So much for thinking I was in charge of that decision!

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?

Stephanie: I was 45 at the time I got pregnant but had not even shown a sign of premenopausal symptoms so I knew I was fertile. My cycles were strong and dependable. Therefore I was very conscientious about birth control as I was in the peak of my career and did not think it was a good time to conceive.

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

Stephanie: I had both a physician and two midwives as I wanted (and did) have my baby at home. My physician was a friend, as were my midwives. They were supportive. But the rest of the medical community was not. Everything I encountered related to me as "at risk" due my "advanced age"! I was not seen as an individual. I was seen as a statistic. I was extremely healthy (and still am) and I flourished during my pregnancy as did my baby. This did not seem to take the stigma of my "old age" away.

People projected worries and fears onto me and I had to be conscientious to not allow these to penetrate me or my baby's world. I knew we were healthy and safe. I knew my own body and I stayed in ongoing communication with my baby.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why? What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?

Stephanie: I did not change midwives or doctors but I did change husbands! My husband at the time was NOT supportive. He felt I was "too old". He was very concerned about the health of our baby and insisted on an amnio. He was the first person I told about the pregnancy, which came as a shock to both of us. Once the amnio showed a healthy baby, he was accepting and even elated, but we divorced when our child was two years old. That first reaction of his hit me hard. I am now very happily remarried.

My mother was outraged at my pregnancy. She considered it, and my decision to have my baby at home, completely irresponsible. My friends were very supportive.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Stephanie: Yes, we took childbirth classes and they were very helpful. I was the oldest one in the class!

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Where did you give birth?

Stephanie: At home.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you remember most about the birth experience?

Stephanie: It was completely ecstatic. I was only in labor for six hours. Everything went beautifully. My daughter and I bonded deeply, and she bonded with her father as well. It was a gorgeous experience that I treasure.

I AM A MOM

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Stephanie: All of the moms of my daughter's friends are younger than me and not so established in their professions so we have less to share. My daughter's friends love me though so this doesn't seem to really matter!

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

Stephanie: I love staying young with my daughter and feeling current with the world of her peers. It is a blessing!

InSeaon Mom Cynthia: How has becoming a mom changed you? How could it not?

Stephanie: This is a path of growth, learning, deep fulfillment and selflessness.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Stephanie: Go for it! You are wiser, more patient, have more resources and can count your blessings more readily. There is nothing to stop you! Stay healthy and thrive!

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Any additional comments?

Stephanie: I am deeply grateful for the gifts and challenges of motherhood. My experience as a parent constantly deepens my compassion and feeling of connection to this exciting, rapidly changing world. I am honored to be a steward for the children of the future.

InSeason Mom Cynhtia would like to thank Stephanie for being an inspiration to moms across the world! If you are a first time mom over 35 and would like share your story, please email me: cynthia@inseasonmom.org

Over 40 Mom Myth Shattered At My Grandfather’s 100th Birthday Party

2011-05-18T13:12:00.001-04:00

Pictured above: grandfather with great-grand daughter at his 100th birthday party!

I attended my grandfather’s 100th birthday party on last week. I felt proud as he received honors for his involvement in the Civil Rights Movement from President Obama and other state, local and church officials. I beamed with pride as he was presented with our state’s flag and I learned that all members of my state’s Congress stood in honor of him during their last meeting.

"I'm not a big fella, but I got a big heart and a big mind,” he said as he accepted one of his awards. His key for long life is “treating people right and trusting God.” The memory that I hold dearest is seeing him dancing at his 100th birthday party!

According to the finding of some experts, a 100th year old man is NOT supposed to be dancing or giving acceptance speeches. No doubt, the forerunners of these same experts would have told my grandfather that he was too old at 40 to father another child. The experts would argue that it is unfair to a child to have older parents. Children would become orphans or in their 20s have to take care of older parents.

It’s hard to say what my grandfather’s response to the experts would have been. Probably the experts would have mistaken his overall easy-nature as weakness. Yet, his response would prove most powerful 60 years later as he danced at his 100th birthday party!

Celebrate National Women’s Health Week, May 8-14, 2011

2011-05-10T12:53:00.000-04:00

Nearly 5 years ago, I walked into one of our local libraries with my two daughters. I hadn't visited this branch in a long time and one of the staff had no idea that I had given birth to two babies after 40. Her amazement was followed by one of the best compliments that I have received. She said, "I always knew that you took good care of your body!" While I never smoked, stayed away from illegal drugs and never liked the taste of alcohol, the truth is I owe most of my slim figure to hereditary...from my daddy.

As I have grown older and realized that my love for sugar and salt is not a laughing matter and that even "slim" folks can have hypertension, I am making healthier choices. I want to be a healthy "older" mom for my daughters and of course, a "hottie" for my husband. I encourage women, especially women who want to conceive after 35 and 40, to start today making healthier physical, mental and spiritual choices.

This morning when I saw on MSN that Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Illinois) was on the cover of Men's Health for turning his life around with diet and exercise and later I read a posting from Nancy C Lee, Director, Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women’s Health, I realized that taking care of our bodies is one issue that everyone can agree upon.

I would like to share with you an excerpt form the posting by Nancy C Lee, Director, Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women’s Health written on May 09, 2011:

Healthy, strong women are essential to building healthy, strong children and communities, but too often women place the needs of others before their own. As a woman, mother, doctor and the new Director of the Office on Women’s Health, I understand how busy we can be and how difficult it is to make time for ourselves and our health. Nevertheless, we need to make our health and wellness a priority. National Women’s Health Week serves as a reminder to do just that and do so with small, manageable steps that will improve our health.

The 12th annual National Women’s Health Week kicks off on Mother’s Day, May 8th and is celebrated until May 14th with local events and activities —everything from 5K walks/runs to free health screenings to health fairs to fashion shows—nationwide. During this week, we encourage women to take the time to: get exercise; eat well; make healthy choices; visit a health care professional; and be mindful of our mental health. Even small steps towards good health can make a difference in our overall health and wellness. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Add just one fruit or vegetable to your diet each day. Chase your children around the yard. Park farther away from the store entrance.

During this year’s National Women’s Health Week, we will observe the 9th annual National Women’s Checkup Day on May 9th. On this day, we encourage women to visit their health care professional for checkups and screenings. Regular checkups are vital to the early detection of diseases, such as heart disease, diabetes and cancer as well as infections and other illnesses. Across the country, hundreds of healthcare providers offer preventive screenings at no cost or at a reduced cost. If women aren’t able to visit their healthcare professional on May 9th, we encourage them to take the Checkup Day Pledge and commit to scheduling an appointment this May.

We also recognize the importance of moving our bodies and encourage women to commit to regular exercise—whether dancing, running, and gardening—as part of National Women’s Health Week.

Please celebrate National Women’s Health Week with us and together, we can play a role in making health and wellness a priority in our lives.

Fearful of Giving Birth Over 35? What a Six Year Old Taught Me!

2011-05-04T10:04:00.002-04:00

With eyes as big and bright as the Carolina sun, six-year-old Joy snuggled close to me to reveal her secret.

“Aunt Cynthia, I’m scared of going to the second grade.”

Since she had an outgoing personality and was an excellent student, I was a bit taken back by her confession. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and asked, “Why?”

She played with her fingers a few seconds and took a deep breath.

“How about if the teachers asked me a question I don’t know?”

“Like what?”

“Like how much is one-hundred eighty plus twenty?”

I smiled inside knowing that whether you’re six or sixty the unknown can cause anxiety.

“Let’s see Joy. If the teacher asks how much is one-hundred eighty plus twenty, this is what you do.” I proceeded to show her the old-fashion way of counting on her fingers. We added several equations that day and each time her face lit up as she got the correct answer.

While Joy learned that what was once difficult for her was now simple, I learned an important lesson, too. I learned that the better prepared a person is for a task, her level of fear tremendously decreases.

My niece Joy went to second grade and excelled as she did throughout high school, college and her professional career. She is now a wife, a mom, a science teacher and most importantly to me, a loving Christian.

My goal as author of this blog and of publisher of InSeason Mom is the same as it was with my then 6-year old niece: to share what I have learned through my experience and research to help you combat your fear of giving birth over 35 and 40.

MARCH-APRIL 2011 FEATURED INSEASON MOM

2011-04-30T12:58:00.001-04:00

Every 2 months on my InSeason Mom website, I feature a woman who has given birth after 35 and 40. My featured mom for March-April 2011 was Lisa Bruchac. I would like to share her story with you and encourage you to visit InSeason Mom beginning Monday, May 2nd to meet our new featured mom.

LISA BRUCHAC
MARCH-APRIL 2011 FEATURED MOM

Age: 43
State currently living in: New York
Current or former profession(s): Speech Pathologist; certified health and wellness coach

PREGNANCY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How long were you trying to get pregnant?

Lisa: Several months

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?

Lisa: After several months of trying to conceive, I got pregnant only to miscarry at 5 weeks. At that point, I started going to a nutritionist to cleanse and balance my system to achieve a baby-ready-body. I also did some energy clearing work to make sure there weren’t any subconscious beliefs blocking me from becoming pregnant. We stopped “trying” to get pregnant for several more months until I felt like my body was ready. I got pregnant in the fourth month when we started trying again.

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy? Were you surprised by their reaction? Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?

Lisa: I started my pregnancy in a traditional OB-GYN medical practice. What surprised me the most about my visits was the way I did not feel listened to. I felt they pushed their agenda onto me and expected me to go along with their ideas. I even had the office manager call and confirm an appointment with a genetic specialist and I didn’t even know the office had scheduled one. I declined and had to explain to the nurse practitioner why. I did not feel comfortable when constantly bombarded with all the risks involved with having a baby over 40.

The other issue was that I saw only the nurse practitioner at every appointment and she didn’t even deliver so I wasn’t able to have any of my questions about the actual birth answered. I had one brief appointment with the practice’s midwife and was again pressured to have certain tests done. I didn’t want to make any decisions based on fear. So I had to continually tune out the external stimuli in order to go within and make decisions based on what I really needed or wanted.

Finally, at 5 months pregnant and frustrated, I spoke with a midwife in my town who suggested a home birth. I was a little skeptical, but thought we should at least meet with the midwife she recommended. My husband and I met with her for over an hour and were very pleased with her calm demeanor and attitude toward childbirth. She provided information in a way that allowed me to make my own decisions. It was more of a partnership than the traditional doctor-patient relationship. Once I switched, my pregnancy was so much calmer and I worried less.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why?

Lisa: I couldn’t wait to tell my husband. I handed him the positive pregnancy test.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What was the reaction of friends and family when you told them about your pregnancy?

Lisa: They were very excited.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?

Lisa: No. I read a lot of books. I didn’t feel that a lot of the birthing classes focused on natural childbirth or the mind-body-spirit connection. The whole experience to me was very spiritual and I read a lot of books that focused on that aspect.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Where did you give birth?

Lisa: At home with my husband, midwife and doula.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you remember most about the birth experience?

Lisa: I remember all of it. Labor was intense and I didn’t progress as quickly as I would have liked. But in the end, both my baby girl and I were safe and healthy. And when she was placed on my chest, I felt an incredible surge of love and vulnerability. It was truly amazing.

I AM A MOM

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?

Lisa: The fears that have come up for me have to do with worrying about how old I’ll be when she’s a certain age. I would constantly think, “When she’s 10 I’ll be 52 or when I’m 60 she’ll be 18”. I had to let that go. She’s an inspiration to me to stay healthy and active. So now I focus on those things that I can control.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

Lisa: The time I get to spend with her. My priorities are very different from when I was in my 20’s or 30’s. I am also more confident in who I am at this age and how I want to raise her.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: How has becoming a mom changed you?

Lisa: It’s been an amazing healing for me. She has taught me so much. She brings me back to the present moment so often I find myself staying there longer than I used to.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

Lisa: Be as healthy as you can be. Make healthy choices to eat right and exercise. Don’t overlook emotional healing work as well. There is definitely a connection between mind-body-spirit. And I believe this can impact fertility at any age.

InSeason Mom Cynthia: Any additional comments?

Lisa: I highly recommend interviewing your potential caregivers. I believe it is so important to be comfortable and validated. I believe in listening to ones own heart when making decisions, but having the right information presented in a gentle and unbiased way is crucial.

InSeason Mom Cynthia would like to thank Lisa for being an inspiration to moms across the world! If you are a first time mom over 35 and would like share your story, please email me: cynthia@inseasonmom.org

Febrile Seizures: An Unexpected Encounter

2011-04-26T22:15:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, a friend told me about a post that she read that reminded her of what I had experienced in October 2006 with my then-two year old daughter Jewel. The author of the site, Steph with Be Positive Mom at http://bepositivemom.com/ talked about a recent experience with febrile seizures. I encourage all moms with young children to read her post. Long before I started blogging, here is what I wrote to my family and friends after my encounter with febrile seizures:

Family and friends,

This email is a praise report. On last Thursday afternoon my 2-yr-old daughter Jewel was resting on the sofa trying to regain her strength from a sore throat, headache and other cold symptoms. I was monitoring
her temperature and was giving her Tylenol every 6 hours.

About 3:45 p.m. I checked her temperature and noticed a significant increase. She was about 103. I gave her more Tylenol. Nothing could prepare me-- except God for what happened next. Little Jewel's body
started shaking violently. She started breathing rapidly. Her eyes rolled back in her head. Heavy secretions flowed from her mouth.

Jewel's sisters, Faith and Taylor became very scared. Taylor began to cry. They didn't know what was happening and neither did I--but I knew who did. I begin praising God for taking care of the situation and
citing scriptures our family had studied the previous night. I called the doctor's office. The nurse told me to take Jewel to the emergency room at the Children's Hospital after the seizure stopped. I continued
comforting Jewel by telling her that God was with her and I kept her lying on her side (I did this by instinct but later learned that this allows secretions or vomit to drain out of the mouth and not into the lungs).

Between contacting the doctor and my husband, Jewel lost consciousness and had a huge bowel movement.
The staff at local Children's Hospital did a wonderful job. My husband and I learned that Jewel's seizure called a Febrile seizure is not a sign of epilepsy and is due to a rapid rise of temperature. Some children (some reports say 1 in 20) under age six are at risk for this, especially during the Fall or Winter season.

Jewel was released from the hospital the same evening. I was directed to alternate giving her Tylenol and Motrin every 3 hours.

Here it is a week later, Jewel appears to be her normal sassy and active self. Unfortunately, she seems to be catching another cold from her sister Faith. In an attempt to control future febrile seizures, the doctors told me to give Jewel Tylenol every 4-6 hours at the first sign of cold.

This email was sent to you for two reasons:
1) join me in praising God for a favorable result for Jewel (and our family) and 2) this information about febrile seizure may benefit parents with young children, especially those under age 5. To learn more about febrile seizures, click on to the link below:
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/febrile_seizures/detail_febrile_seizures.htm

That was the end of my October 2006 email, but I would like to switch gears to announce the next 5 winners (as I promised on yesterday) of the Versatile Blogger Award:

Steph @ http://bepositivemom.com/

Kari @ http://thesimplebuffalolife.blogspot.com//

Anita @ http://btdas.blogspot.com/

Jeanne @http://myadventureinmommyhood.blogspot.com/

Michelle @ http://www.isthatyourchild.com//

The Versatile Blogger Award

2011-04-25T13:36:00.001-04:00

I would like to thank Nekky of Life Reflexions

http://life-reflexions.blogspot.com/ for giving me The Versatile Blogger Award ! I am so excited and honored to receive this award! I’m not ashamed to admit it: this Southern girl loves to be recognized for doing something she loves!

This award is to recognize and appreciate fellow bloggers and let your readers know about some new blogs they might not have visited. Here are the rules, which comes along with this award:

*Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.

*Tell seven things about yourself.

*Award 15 recently discovered new bloggers.

*Contact these bloggers and let them know they have received this award.

Here are seven things about me:

1) I am a bible-believing Christian.

2) I am a writer who enjoys public speaking and teaching others.

3) My favorite exercise is jumping rope.

4) I enjoy reading mystery books and watching mystery movies.

5) I find organizing and cleaning up my house very therapeutic.

6) I have a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Communications.

7) I love chocolate covered peanuts and raisins.

I wasn’t sure if you could give the award to previous winners, but I am in the process of checking. Also, one of the 7 things about myself is I enjoy reading mysteries. I love suspense. To keep you in suspense of all of the 15 blogs that I’ve chosen for this award, I will announce the winners in set of 5s, with the last of the 15 winners to be announced on Wednesday, April 27th. Drum Roll please…the first 5 blogs that I have chosen are:

1. Alfie with Reflect and Realize : http://www.reflectandrealize.blogspot.com/

2. Lexie with VoiceBoks: http://www.voiceboks.com/

3. Lisa with HopeChest Bribe: http://www.hopechestbride.com/

4. Anna with Counting Each Blessing: http://www.countingeachblessing.blogspot.com/

5. Danielle with Danielle Pender: http://bizformomsonline.blogspot.com/

The next 5 will be announced on tomorrow, Tuesday, April 25, 2011

The last 5 will be announced on Wednesday, April 26, 2011

See you on tomorrow and thanks for participating in my suspense game winners of
The Versatile Blogger Award! Have a great Monday!!!

Telling Your Stepchildren About Your First Pregnancy

2011-04-22T10:07:00.000-04:00

Congratulations you're going to be a mother! You have all of the emotions from excitment to anxiety to confusion of a first time expectant mom. You have one thing that many first time expectant moms don't have: a stepchild.

You are a member of the growing group of expectant moms who are a part of a blended or stepfamily. You are faced with the unique challenge of having your first baby with a husband who has a child or children from a previous relationship.

Regardless of your relationship with your stepchildren,they may experience jealousy or insecurity that daddy is having another baby.
Dad should assure the children that his heart is big enough to love all of his children and that no one will take their place in his eyes.

Now it's your turn to talk to your stepchildren. What should you say? Consider the following:

Never offer assurance by saying things won't change after the baby is born. A baby brings changes in life. You probably won't feel like hosting your stepchild's slumber party after staying up the previous night with your crying newborn.

Do offer assurance by saying that even though you will have to eliminate some of your activities during pregnancy and after the baby arrives, your stepchild will always have a place in your heart.

Never offer assurance by saying you will love your newborn the same as your stepchild. Even if you believe this is true at the time you announce your pregnancy, don't say it. Why?

As the months progress, you will be taken by surprise at the intensity of love you feel for the growing baby inside of you. Seeing the first ultrasound and feeling the first movements create a bond that develops long before your baby is born. A stepmom usually does not have the opportunity to develop a bond with her stepchild before birth.

The bond of a first time expectant mom can be so great with her developing baby that if she is a stepmom, she often wishes her husband was sharing the experience as a first time dad as well.

Do offer assurance by reaffirming your love or by reaffirming the special place your stepchild has in your heart. Remind your stepchild that the new baby will be a part of him or her.

Being a stepmom expecting her first baby is no easy feat. In addition to the unsettling emotions pregnancy hormones bring, you have the challenges of a blended or stepfamily.

Take time to relax, pamper yourself and talk about your feelings with those you trust. Cherish each day you grow closer to meeting the little one you're carrying. Before you know it one day when you hold your baby, you'll know why mothers refer to their little ones as "the hearts outside of their bodies."

Appreciating Seasons

2011-04-12T10:40:00.005-04:00

Recently, as a part of their Spring Break, my daughters (ages 7 and 9) and I visited their grandma on the family farm. Poor hubby had to work, but the girls and I had a great time.

The girls’ eyes lit up while digging their little fingers in the rich soil and listening to the instructions of their Uncle on how to plant the potatoes.

I always feel refreshed when I go to the farm, soaking up the sunshine and looking at the beautiful country scenery. It’s interesting that I didn’t appreciate this peaceful scenery growing up, but I learned to appreciate seasons.

Having been raised on a farm, I’ve seen first-hand that when you plant seeds for a crop not all of them will produce at the same time. Each will operate in its own season.

The exact is true with our lives. Each woman operates in her own given season of becoming a mom.

You may have wanted to give birth during your twenties or early thirties but did not. You were forced to learn the gift of waiting. For those of us who believe in Divine intervention, we believe personal, mental or spiritual growth can come out of every circumstance…even in waiting.

If you are pregnant or hoping to become pregnant and are afraid of becoming a mom later in life, I have great news for you. This is your season not to be known as a mid-life mom or an advanced age first time mom but to be known as an InSeason Mom.
How are you coming with the assignment in the March 24th blog? Forgotten already? You know my suggestion (assignment) for every negative message that you read, hear or see on getting pregnant after 35 or 40 that you spend as much time reading, hearing or seeing a positive message on getting pregnant after 35 or 40. Okay, keep up the positive thoughts.

If you have school-aged children, here’s an Upcoming National Telephone Workshop on Child Food Allergies, you may want to attend:
http://foodallergies101.eventbrite.com/

First Time Mom and Want-to-Be Mom Over 40: Handling Negative Comments

2011-04-01T08:37:00.007-04:00

Best friend Lisa told me that 40-something Janet Jackson, who will forever be referred to as Michael Jackson’s little sister, has publically said she wants to have a baby, experience motherhood. Without doing any research on this matter, I could predict the array of comments, similar to the roaring media debate during Kelly Preston’s (John Travolta’s wife) pregnancy.

The truth is any woman, whether she is a celebrity or not a celebrity, in her 20s or in her 40s, who publically expresses a desire to have a baby will encounter negative comments. If you are in the age group considered “the right age” to give birth, you’ll probably be told that you need to wait to have children so that your career goals won’t be interrupted. If you are in the age group considered “too old” to give birth, you’ll probably be told that you waited too long to have a baby and that you won’t be able to enjoy your retirement—what ever that is!

How do you handle so much negativity if you are pregnant- a time when you are most vulnerable? The first thing to remember is that your body is undergoing hormones changes during pregnancy that is not only physical, but is emotional as well. Comments that you may not have given a second thought will send you into tears. The best way to handle many of your battles is to walk away from whomever or whatever is bringing you down. When you are stronger and if you want to tackle the offender’s comments, go for it girl! However, keep in mind that not all battles or comments deserve your time or energy. You want to remain mentally and physically healthy for your baby.

"Not all battles or comments deserve your time or energy” is the same advice I would give to want-to-be moms over 35 and 40 along with one other suggestion. Choose carefully whom you tell that you want to have a baby. Just because you are excited about the idea of wanting a baby doesn’t mean your 20-something year old co-worker is going to think it is a great idea.

Having a support friend, ideally one who is a first time mom over 35, you can talk to about your ups and downs will be invaluable during this time. Online support forums are great, too. If you don’t have this luxury or would prefer one on one attention, consider enlisting the services of someone like myself, a coach/consultant who specializes in midlife motherhood issues to help you during this time.

With so many women choosing motherhood after age 35, this is a wonderful time to be a first time mom over 35 and 40!________________________________________________________________

Check out this campaign spearheaded by Angel La Liberte: MOTHER’S DAY 2011: A CHILD AFTER 40 It’s a mother of an evolution—launching Mother’s Day, 8th May, 2011 at www.flowerpowermom.com/a-child-after-40.

Who says you can’t get pregnant in your 40s?

2011-03-24T10:22:00.010-04:00

If you are trying to conceive in your 40s and are seeking positive information about your decision, performing a general search online will soon leave you discouraged.

As one InSeason Mom reader wrote on last week:

“We are continuously barraged with dire prognoses on the age of our eggs, and told there is nothing we can do about it. According to what I've been reading on the internet, my chances of a natural conception at age 42 are somewhere in the NEGATIVE percentages. This is completely unreal to me and I've decided it's simply not true.”

Deciding that something isn’t true or accurate FOR YOU just because a slew of medical professionals endorsed it is the first step in taking control of becoming pregnant in your 40s.

My suggestion (assignment) is beginning today for every negative message that you read, hear or see on getting pregnant after 35 or 40 that you spend as much time reading, hearing or seeing a positive message on getting pregnant after 35 or 40. Relax, you’ve already taken my suggestion by digesting positive information by reading this blog.

If you keep researching information online about conception after 40, I can guarantee that you will encounter tons of negative information. I am one of the thousands of women who conceived and gave birth in her 40s and there are many more who became pregnant unexpectedly in their 40s.

“It is OH SO POSSIBLE!! And, I have a friend in England pregnant at 45 and another friend just had a baby girl 46!!! ALL with own eggs!”

This comment was taken from one of my favorite sites, Pregnancy Stories By Age/.

Catherine, the author of this website says her goal is to share the stories she finds online for inspiration to those trying to become pregnant and to comfort those who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant! She says her site is a "chicken soup for the Trying to Conceive over 44 soul.”

Okay, remember to let me know how you’re doing with your assignment about putting in the same time with positive information as you are with negative information. Try it for a 14 days. Seven days? Okay, try it for today and let me know your outcome in the comments box. If you need to talk, I encourage you to check out my Let's Talk sessions.

Over 40 Mom Myths Dispelled by an Over 40 Mom

2011-03-18T09:44:00.007-04:00

According to mom blogger Shari Simpson, in the past twenty years in the United States, the number of first-time mothers over age 35 has increased by 64%! With such an impressive and mind-blowing increase, you would think the misconceptions about first-time motherhood over 40 would have disappeared or decreased.

Originally in 2005, when I wrote Midlife Motherhood Myths Dispelled by a Midlife Mom (http://www.inseasonmom.org/Article5.html), I had no idea that these myths would still be strong as in 2011! Let's look at two of the most popular ones.

Myth: Mothers over 40 do not have the energy to attend to the needs of a baby.

Fact: This misconception must have been created by someone who never was a caretaker of young children!

The average newborn or toddler will zap the energy of any mother whether she is 22 or 42. I’ve had healthy strong parents in their twenties complain about being exhausted after spending a day with their toddlers!

Let’s talk about newborns. The average newborn cries more than any new mom ever anticipates. The average newborn sleeps from 15 minutes to 2 hours before waking up for feeding.

Translation: The best scenario with the best baby. Mom gets to bed at 11:00 p.m. She is awaken at midnight by the sweet whimper of her newborn. She is awakened at 2 a.m. by the sweet whimper of her newborn. She is awakening at 4 a.m. by the crying of her newborn. Baby does not want to go back to sleep until 5a.m. You tell me what woman whether she is 25, 35, or 45 wouldn’t feel zapped after getting out of bed several times at night to feed or just to hold and comfort her crying baby?

The truth is taking care of a baby is hard work and does require lots of energy. It’s important to eat healthy and, every now and then, to allow people you trust to watch your little one for an hour or two while you take a break.

Myth: Teenage children of older parents will be resentful or ashamed that their parents are not the same age as their peers.

Fact: The only thing you need to ease your fear about this misconception is a dose of reality. From August 2008 to January 2011, I worked at a diverse high school of 2000+ students. The students were from advantaged to disadvantaged backgrounds, racial groups, etc. (I really enjoyed working with these kids.) Believe me when I tell you that ALL teenagers think that their parents are old. In fact, most students think that young people who graduated from high school in the last five years are old!

As you age and your children become older, remember that most children go through rocky stages during their teens. This has nothing to do with the age of their parents. Hopefully, as an older parent, you will be able to use wisdom, love and patience to guide your child through the teen years.

Did you have any misconceptions about older moms when you were in your 20s? What were they?

Recognized by CBS New York; Meet March-April InSeason Mom

2011-03-07T09:33:00.000-05:00

CBS New York recognized InSeason Mom as one of the best resources for first time moms over 35! Although I just learned about the recognition that was given a few months ago, I am grateful and excited. I am grateful because one of my God-given paths has been recognized. Getting married at 40 and giving birth at age 42 and 44 was never in my well-designed plan. I was supposed to be married to Mr. Super Christian and have all of my well-behaved children by age 27! However, the detour from my perfect plan has made me more compassionate and humble. The years have taught me from seeing the experiences of others that when our dreams are fulfilled too quickly, we take the fulfillment for granted. We become prideful.

I know and embrace that providing support for first time moms and women who want to be moms over 35 and 40 is a God-designed path for me. He has given me a wonderful channel to help through InSeason Mom. When I connect with other women who are in the over 35 “giving birth or want to give birth” demographics, I do not view them as statistics. I see them as I see myself and that’s why I often call them “my sisters.”

I have resurrected the featured InSeason Mom section, which was started in 2006, on the website. This feature provides inspiration from other moms who gave birth over 35. Check out 43-year old Lisa Bruchac who gave birth 8 months ago.

Want to get pregnant after 35 or 40: stop blaming and start forgiving

2011-03-01T11:08:00.000-05:00

Abortions, not marrying the right one or marrying too late, not paying attention to biological clock, too career-oriented are just a few of the thousands of reasons that women torment themselves for not being able to get pregnant over 35 and 40.

Having married for the first time at age 40, I know about the pregnancy blame mindset. The minute after the ceremony, I set my pregnancy clock. When I wasn’t pregnant, nine months after saying “I do,” I became frustrated and I privately played the blame game. Why was everybody getting pregnant except me? Other college-educated and professional women had married sooner and began a family. Why had I waited so late to begin a family?

I blamed my husband because I wondered if he had a low sperm count. I blamed my father because I wondered if he had encouraged me to set my standards too high for dating and marriage when I was younger. I blamed my church because I wondered if it had not been for their teaching against marrying those who were not members, I would have married the “right one” and had children in my 20s. I also blamed the “wrong ones” because they weren’t the “right ones” and I had to break off marriage proposals!

Then, after running out of scapegoats to blame, I turned the attention to myself. A woman who is trying to conceive or is experiencing infertility after 35 or 40 know that thinking of reasons to blame herself is easy. I certainly made a list of my reasons. I must add that I strongly believe in self-examination. I believe that good mental, spiritual and physical health is essential to conception.

Countless studies show how we think about an illness/disease can worsen or lessen its effect in our bodies. I believe the same is true when we are trying to conceive. Anger, stress and lack of forgiveness are major emotional barriers to conceiving.

Practice forgiving yourself and others for their mistakes by reminding yourself that you are imperfect and so is everyone else. I find that when I am anger, all of my thoughts focus on my anger or hurt. I am unable to be productive. I am steaming mad! For a couple of minutes, not being productive may be fine, but the problem occurs when my anger or hurt prevents me from being productive for hours. I’ve lost precious time that I can never get back.

I gave birth at age 42 to a healthy baby girl and at age 44 to a second healthy daughter. Learning and practicing to stop blaming and start forgiving played a key role in their births.

While I applaud and am a supporter of the advantages in the medical community, you’ll often say that I gave birth by “divine intervention” rather than “medical invention.”

I encourage all my sisters who want to become pregnant after 35 or 40 to consider one of my favorite bible verses, which states:

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead."
( New Living Translation(@2007-Phillippians 3: 13)

First Time Mom Over 40: Is That Your Grandma?

2010-12-12T18:10:00.000-05:00

Flower Power Mom recently did an interesting blog, "don't call me grandma." Many of the readers were offended when they were mistaken as the grandma. First time I was mistaken as the grandma, I was offended,too. However, one of the readers made a statement that now reflects how I feel. She said, " I AM the age a grandmother is most places in this country."

The truth is that I AM the age a grandmother is in most places in this country. None of us planned it this way years ago. I believe mental preparation is the best defense to handling such comments. I’ve made a point of not only preparing myself for such comments, but preparing my daughters as well.

From the time my girls were born, they’ve heard me say I prayed a long time for God to send them to me. He sent them to me when I was older than most mommies. I know they didn’t understand what I meant when they were pre-schoolers, but when they hit school, I think they understood more. Now that they are almost 7 and nearly 9 and have had to tell others that I’m not the grandma, they understand even better. I think it’s important for children to know that they are not the only ones with older parents or whatever it may be that makes their parents different. I also think it’s important for parents to tell their children that they (the parents) are different. Then, they won’t be taken by surprise. I salute moms, such a Halle Berry’s mom, of bi-racial children who prepare their children for how the world may see them. I make a point of visiting websites with my daughters that feature pictures of older moms with their young children.

While it may strike a blow to our ego the first time someone mistakes us as the grandma, let's shake it off and continue to instill ageless qualities in our children such as love, respect, honesty and courage.

Speak Up! Use Age to Your Advantage!

2010-08-28T10:49:00.000-04:00

Recently an article that my 8-year old was reading in American Girl magazine by Patti Kelley Criswell caught my attention. In the article Speak Up or Steer Clear, Criswell asked the questions: do you stand up for yourself and others, or do you avoid conflict---even if it means getting stepped on? The author asked the young readers to take a quiz to discover their speak-up style. I was pleased that my little girl circled mostly c’s. C’s meant that she has no trouble telling people how she feels and nobody is going to stomp on her---for sure. This is a direct quote from Criswell. She explained that being assertive is the halfway point between being a pushover and being a bully.

Criswell’s quiz made me think about my current and future InSeason Moms. Do you speak up when your doctor tells you that you are too old to have a baby in your 40s? How about when family members make sarcastic remarks about how you look like your child’s grandmother or remind you of how old you will be when your child is a teenager?

Speaking up is not always easy nor is it appropriate at all times. I remember sitting in an assembly on last year when a minister told the congregation to have children while they are young. The assembly was nearly 200 people. I doubt the minister was aiming at me or if he remembers making that statement. On the other hand, at a recent family outing (on my husband’s side) a relative who gave birth over 35 to her second child commented that women shouldn’t have babies over age 35. She talked about how exhausted she was caring for a 3 year compared to how easy it was caring for her teenager at age 3. She looked to me for agreement. I reminded her that her low energy level probably had as much to do with having a demanding job (supervisor) as it did having a 3-year old. My husband threw in his support by saying that each person is different. The relative who is much younger than I am concluded the conversation by saying I had more patience and energy than she did.

Speaking up doesn’t mean you have to be rude or say ugly things to state your position. It does mean when the time is appropriate, you will use age to your advantage. You no longer accept other people’s opinions as truth whether it comes from your doctor or from your beautician. You are older but you’re also wiser and you’re not afraid to Speak Up!

A Season For Everything

2010-07-25T18:28:00.000-04:00

Check out my latest interview InSeason Mom interview.
Direct link to this blog: http://flowerpowermom.com/wordpress/?p=1919

Latest Interview

2010-07-23T08:57:00.000-04:00

Check out my latest interview (InSeason Mom) and the picture with Faith & Jewel.
Direct link to this blog: http://flowerpowermom.com/wordpress/?p=1919

Overwhelmed by the getting pregnant over 35 or 40 resources?

2010-01-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

"Just doing a search on the topic of fertility offers overwhelming info (and unnecessary worry) to women: toxins in food, water, air, clothing, buy classical tape packages to stimulate the brain waves, do yoga, could be your hormone level, cell phones influence fertility, etc. It's enough to make a person nuts!” Future InSeason Mom over 40

As publisher and founder of InSeason Mom.org, which is dedicated to providing support as well as dispelling misconceptions about pregnancy over 35 and 40, I have become concerned about the thousands of get pregnancy resources and frauds targeting want-to-be moms over 35 and 40. In a recent article for Associated Content I offered tips to help you sort through the overload. Click the link below to read the entire article:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2627113/overwhelmed_by_the_getting_pregnant.html?cat=52

Pregnancy Over 40: Survival Tips

2009-12-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

Realize that you are not alone

Although reports vary when citing the recent number of women giving birth at age 40, there’s no disagreement that the number of mothers giving birth at age 40 or older has doubled in the last several decades.

Now is the best time ever to be a first time mom over 40. There are several good resources including books, compact discs, digital video disks and online support groups. Almost every state in the U.S. and many cities have local support groups for moms over 35.
Take comfort, my sisters while you may be the only expectant mom over 40 in your circle of friends or small community, you are far from being alone.

Choose an obstetrician or midwife who doesn’t view over 40 pregnancy as a problem.

Age alone is not an indicator that there will be a problem with your pregnancy. Ask your prospective health care provider if he or she has concerns about pregnancy over 35. Listen carefully to make sure the concerns are medically based rather than opinion based.

Opinion-based concerns are those that do not have any medical validity. Your health care provider may be concerned that collectively the medical history of pregnant women over age 40 shows an increased risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, cesarean birth and chromosomal defects.

Remember that these studies are based on the results of midlife pregnant women as a group and are not based on your individual medical history. Select an obstetrician or midwife who respects your right to have your pregnancy viewed individually.

Guard your mental health

When any woman becomes pregnant, everyone from family members to strangers in the grocery store offer advice. As an older expectant mom, you will hear an even wider-range of comments. Many will tap into your insecurity of being too old to give birth or ask how old you will be when your baby goes to first- grade, becomes a teenager, get married and so forth.

How do you handle so much negativity during a time when you are most vulnerable? The first thing to remember is your pregnant body is going through physical as well as emotional changes. Comments that you may have laughed off during your pre-pregnancy state may now send you in tears. Therefore, it’s important to surround yourself with positive books and people. Take a minute to read a funny book, article or watch a comedy.

Next, have a comeback for the well-meaning folks. For example, when one ask how you will be in five years when your baby enters first grade or thirteen years when your baby goes to college, ask them how old you will be in this length of time if you didn’t give birth. Hopefully, they’ll get the point. We grow older whether or not we pursue motherhood or other dreams in our late 30s or 40s.

And if giving a polite response doesn’t work, tell them as we do in the South, “to mind their own business.”

I wish you “Happy Mothering.”

World's Oldest Mom Dies- My misconception

2009-11-07T10:47:00.000-05:00

World’s Oldest Mom Dies of Cancer-Supporting First Time Moms Over 40
As publisher of InSeason Mom, which provides online support for first time moms over 35 or 40 and women considering motherhood later in life, I learned a valuable lesson when I discovered that Maria Carmen del Bousada, world’s oldest mom had died.
First, I thought about the beautiful children she left behind. Next, I considered my own state. I got married at age 40 for the first time and conceived during my 40s without medical assistance but with Divine assistance. I write without medical assistance not as a boasting point but simply as a fact. Nearly eight years ago, I gave birth to two healthy daughters when I was 42 and 44.
I have read and heard about every pro and con about giving birth after 40. Yet, when I read that the world’s oldest mom had died, I immediately thought the 69-year-old, who gave birth two years earlier, had died of old-age! Weeks later, I learned a fact that most of the media omitted in first reporting the story-- Bousada died of cancer.
Now I had to examine why I so quickly assumed Bousada died of old age rather than of an illness. This InSeason Mom who was once a childbirth educator had been taught the lesson she preached against---misconceptions about first time moms over 40. I will admit that I have an age in mind that I consider “too old” to give birth but I will also admit because I’ve grown spiritually and mentally, I leave much room for error in my “age limit” belief. I no longer claim to have all the answers to the age limit a woman should undergo medically assisted fertility treatments or why a man when he fathers a baby at age 70 is celebrated.
As publisher of InSeason Mom, I offer support for first time older moms because I have found that no woman intentionally waits until she is 35 or 40 to give birth.
Yet, the words Bousada expressed after giving birth are the words of many women, “I have wanted to be a mother all my life, but I never had the opportunity, or met the right man.” (Until now….InSeason Mom Publisher’s words inserted)

Being Taught By High School Students

2009-10-16T22:52:00.000-04:00

When I became a college counselor at a high school in April 2008, I never expected to learn anything from the students. Well, that’s not true. I expected to learn the latest slang, the latest fashion, the latest music…you get the picture. I never expected to learn that the faces of high school kids shine as bright as kindergarteners when you give them a high five or a hug after winning scholarships or getting college acceptance letters. I never expected to learn that high school students don’t give it a second thought that I’m an over 40 mom with young children because in their eyes everyone over 25 is probably really old. I never expected to learn that after meeting with several students a day, there’s not a student who leaves my desk without saying thank-you. I never expected to learn treating the students like I treat my own children—regardless of their economic, racial or other differences—would encourage them to pursue their dreams and cause me to become less judgmental. I never expected to learn that looking into the eyes of high school students I see my own daughters in a few years that will come to quickly. I never expected to learn demonstrating a mother’s love would have such a profound effect on so many.

InSeason Mom meets Flower Power Mom

2009-10-09T18:25:00.000-04:00

Angel La Liberte has touched my heart and my ticklebone with her website, Flower Power Mom . One minute she's taking me down memory lane with television shows and music I remember as a child in the "Blast from the Past" feature. The next minute she's talking to me like a good friend sharing heart-felt thoughts about the double-edged sword of the women's movement in Having Our Cake and Washing the Dishes Too.

The search engines'description of Flower Power Mom is a forum dedicated to midlife motherhood—to entertain, inform and share the experience of having children after 40.

However, I like the simple description Angel gave in a recent interview. "My intention is to inform, with humor, with my inner Erma Bombeck very much in place," she said.

Angel saw a need in the market when she started Flower Power Mom. She said that most magazines and web sites tend to focus primarily on fertility. She shares information on what happens AFTER you have given birth to the beautiful blessings.

I am honored when anyone mentions InSeason Mom as a resource because I honestly believe that this is one of my God-given purposes. You can imagine how honored I was when Angel featured InSeason Mom in her October 4th blog. Click here to read "Mom For All Seasons."

Also, check out the recent article in Santa Cruz Sentinel about Angel and Flower Power Mom.
http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/ci_13511695?IADID=Search-www.santacruzsentinel.com-www.santacruzsentinel.com

First Time Moms Over 40 Convention 2012?

2009-09-05T08:54:00.000-04:00

I’ll tell you from the beginning that there is no scheduled First Time Moms Over 40 Convention 2012. I’ll also ask you to continue reading so that I can share my dream of coordinating the first annual convention for expectant moms, hoping to be moms and first time moms over 40. Wouldn’t that be great? A convention for us.

The location of the first convention would be in a sunny southern region. Sorry my northern friends, I’m cold natured. Since it seldom snows in sunny, southern regions, it wouldn’t matter what season the convention is held…as long as it’s not close to any major holiday because traveling during such times can be worst than normal.

A good marketing/publicity committee is another necessity for the convention. We’ll want to secure national sponsors to offset much of the cost and to promote the event. The convention will begin on Friday evening with dinner and conclude on Sunday morning with breakfast. Of course, the hotel would be beautiful with a friendly staff.

Now for the most important part of the convention which is the program. The program will be encouraging and informative. The program will feature speakers from the medical field as well as speakers who share their testimonies of becoming first time moms over 40. Since I am sharing a dream, I will include an affordable (or free) well-known celebrity mom speaker who became a first time mom over 40. We’ll have leisure time to meet and greet other attendees.

Now who wants to register for the first annual First Time Moms Over 40 Convention 2012?

Okay, maybe I am not prepared to start coordinating the First Time Moms Over 40 Convention 2012. I have my hands full with coordinating a family reunion for 2011. While I am not ready to begin planning a convention, I do plan to continue focusing on my goal as publisher of www.InSeasonMom.org , which is to provide information and inspiration to first time moms and future moms over 40. Maybe, in the near future, we’ll have a personal meeting at the annual First Time Moms Over 40 Convention.

World’s Oldest “Kindergarten” Mom

2009-08-22T14:52:00.000-04:00

My baby started kindergarten this week. She has an easier path than big sister who started school two years ago. Thanks to big sister, my baby (who will now be referred to as little sister) knows a few of the teachers and children. Little sister has been to the school many times with big sister, dad and me. Everyone thinks little sister and big sister look so much alike they could be twins. Thanks to big sister who is in advanced classes and is an award-winning reader with a friendly disposition, everyone expects good things from little sister.

Yes, big sister has made it easier for everyone, even mommy. Although I experienced all the joys and pains of seeing my baby…oops…my youngest…I mean… little sister begin school as I did with big sister, there is one thing I didn’t experience. The thoughts of having every teacher, parent and student stop and stare at me because I looked so old walking my daughter to kindergarten were no longer in mind. Thanks to my circle of online over 40-moms and older moms I’ve seen at my daughter’s school----then again, they may have been their grandmothers---anyway-- I no longer fear the image of being the World’s Oldest “Kindergarten” Mom. I know I will be the oldest mom in the class but I no longer care. (I will admit that I don’t go around advertising my age.) My daughters’ classmates refer to me as they do all the other moms. “That’s (insert name of classmate) mom.”

I have told my daughters that I am much older than the moms of their classmates. I have told my daughters that they are a gift from God and that I waited a long time to receive this gift. Therefore, even if a classmate mistakes me as being the grandma, I have told my daughters not to become upset, but to simply correct the error.

The most important thing I’ve learned being an over 40 mom with young school-age children is that I am not the first older or “Inseason Mom.” Nor will I be the last. Translation: I am not such a novelty that will cause anyone to stop and stare.

If you are an expectant mom over 35 or are considering motherhood after 35, put your fear of being the oldest kindergarten mom to rest. More in upcoming blogs about fears I’ve overcome as a first-time mom over 40.

Fear being a first-time over 35 or 40 mom?

2009-08-01T19:02:00.000-04:00

Although it has been 7 years since I gave birth to my first child and 5 short years since I gave birth to my last child, I still remember the excitement mixed with fear. Although I have strong spiritual beliefs and I knew my long-anticipated prayers to become an expectant mom was now a reality, I was scared.

I was scared that I would miscarry. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to handle childbirth pains. I was scared that something would be wrong with my baby.

During the moments that my miscarriage and labor fears calmed, my fears about my role in my child’s future increased. I worried how being so much older than the other moms would affect my child during her elementary school years as well as her high school years. I worried about dying without raising my child to adulthood. The list of my pregnancy and post-pregnancy fears seemed to be non-stop.

I’ll share with you how I dealt with each of my pregnancy fears in upcoming blogs. I will tell you if you’re an expectant mom over 35 or 40, pregnancy fears are common.

As a former childbirth educator, I haven’t met an expectant mother, whether she is 22 or 42, who hasn’t had some anxiety about her baby’s health. She wonders whether her baby will be born healthy. Thoughts that never entered her mind are present.

Movies, books, television, the nosy woman in the hair salon tell birth horror stories that increase a pregnant woman’s anxiety. Combine all of this with the hormone changes that take place in the body during pregnancy, and it’s a wonder that any woman survives pregnancy with her sanity in tact.

If you are an expectant mom over 35 or considering pregnancy after 35, I encourage you to read my article You Can Have A Healthy Pregnancy After 35. Here’s the link: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/22874/you_can_have_a_healthy_pregnancy_after_pg3.html?cat=52

Until next time,
Cynthia

The Secret Weapon Children Use on All Moms

2009-07-08T20:44:00.000-04:00

After spending all except one-percent of my 168 hours a week with my girls, I announced that I was going to the store ALONE to buy shoes. My five and seven year old groaned, moaned, acted as if I announced that I was leaving them forever.

“Mommy, I want to go with you! Please! Please!”

Their daddy, my beloved husband, who was on the computer in another room was probably smiling to himself, thinking that the pleas of our little drama queens had relieved him once again from “babysitting.” Just for the record, I agree with what a former hairstylist told me years ago. She said a father can’t “baby-sit” his own children. He shares the responsibility of taking care of them.

Anyway, after the girls gave their performance, I certainly felt selfish for wanting to buy a pair of shoes for myself in peace---without having to stop anyone from jumping, speed walking or arguing. Even though I knew that they would be in the best of care with their loving daddy, as a mom over 40 with two young children, I felt that I owed it to the girls to devote all of my waking hours to them.

Then I realized that there is one weapon that the “sweet” children of young and old moms alike use: mommy guilt. At that moment, I declared my right and need to go shopping—sometimes without my girls. I now knew how the liberators of great historical movements felt. It is interesting that my freedom to go shopping alone came in July…the same month that America gained its independence. Now if only I could go on a weekend vacation without having mommy guilt!

Talk to you soon, InSeason Mom Cynthia (http://www.inseasonmom.org/)

Have you had a Super-Mom Fantasy Moment?

2009-06-11T07:51:00.000-04:00

Okay, you already know that I signed up for a free Radio Blog Talk show account because I wanted to talk with my InSeason Mom sisters and maybe recapture my days as a DJ. Since I was on summer break from my position as a Career/College Counselor, I thought I would have enough weekly time between my girls’ swimming lessons, vacation bible school (VBS) and visits to grandma and a family reunion to launch “InSeason Mom” show.

If only the swimming lessons, VBS, and visits to grandma were the only things I had to do. Who was I kidding? I run a household, have a family which includes a husband, two little girls under the age of eight, not to mention church and friends activities. Girlfriend, why didn't you warn me that I was having a Super-Mom fantasy moment?

I define a Super-Mom fantasy moment as failure to grasp what can be done in a realistic time frame. Have you ever had a Super-Mom fantasy moment? This is just one of the myths moms believe at one time or another. I've written First Time Mom Over 35 and 40: 4 Myths We Still Believe. Follow this link to read the article: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1832037/first_time_mom_over_35_and_40_4_myths.html

InSeason Mom Radio Show for Summer?

2009-06-11T07:45:00.000-04:00

Before I was an InSeason Mom, before I was a Career/College Counselor in the public schools, before I was a freelance writer---well nope—not before then---anyway I used to be a radio announcer/DJ. I’ve played Lite Rock, Gospel, Country and R&B. I love music. And as the O'Jays sung, I love music as long as it's groovin’.

Recently, I ran across Blog Talk Radio which allows users to create free talk radio podcasts. I thought about how I enjoyed my days as a disc jockey and how I wanted to reconnect with my “InSeason Mom” sisters. I signed up for a free account with hopes of having enough time between my girls’ swimming lessons, vacation bible school and visits to grandma and a family reunion to launch “InSeason Mom” show. I just plan to do it on a weekly basis.
I want to feature first time moms over 35 a well as provide support. Also, I want to give a “shout out” (you can tell I work with high school students) to specific listeners…just email me your first name and state/providence/country.

If you think a radio blog would be good for InSeason Mom, drop me a line.

First Time Moms Over 35 and 40-Welcome

2009-04-10T19:26:00.000-04:00

I am excited that you are reading my first blog for first-time moms over 35 and 40. I am publisher and founder of InSeason Mom.org I gave birth to my first child- a healthy baby girl- at age 42 and a second healthy girl born at age 44.

I've found that most women over 35 are fearful of having a baby because they view the common misconceptions as truth. My goal is to ease their fear by exposing myths with facts. I want the first time older mom to have support as she works with her physician to ensure the best health care possible.

You may be pregnant or hoping to become pregnant in the future. Everything you’re read or heard about being an older mom is racing through your mind.

Most women over 35 are flooded with negative information about giving birth from well-meaning relatives and friends to the nosy co-workers in the office.

I firmly believe that there is a season for everything in life---reaping, sowing, sorrow and joy. Some folks would have you believe that if your season for getting married, choosing a second career or having children is not the same as theirs something is wrong with you. Don’t accept that for a minute because you are just fine.

Having been raised on a farm, I’ve seen first-hand that when you plant seeds for a crop not all of them will produce at the same time. Each will operate in its own season.

The exact is true with our lives. Each woman operates in her own given season of becoming a mom.

You may have wanted to give birth during your twenties or early thirties but did not. You were forced to learn the gift of waiting. For those of us who believe in Divine intervention, we believe personal, mental or spiritual growth can come out of every circumstance…even in waiting.

If you are pregnant or hoping to become pregnant and are afraid of becoming a mom later in life, I have great news for you. This is your season not to be known as a mid-life mom or an advanced age first time mom but to be known as an InSeason Mom. Feel free to read informative articles I have written by visiting http://www.inseasonmom.org/